When a new weight loss gimmick, um trick, err product hits the market to run to be the first to try it? Yeah, me too.
Dr. Oz said you will lose tons of fat if you take this “one miracle product”, green coffee beans. I don’t know if they started out green, but by the time they made it into the pill I was supposed to swallow 4 to 7 times a day with a coffee pot full of water, they were brown. The taste was brown. The after taste was brown. My bank account was brown heading quickly to red. Who knew that the “free trial” turned into an auto replenish supply warehouse in China that now had my bank account information? I gained 7.9 pounds worrying and trying to untangle my account from the Chinese arms agreement.
Facebook says that Dr. Oz says that this one miracle (green in color) fruit is the newest, greatest miracle weight loss thing to hit the market since the green coffee phenomenal fail of three months ago. As proof, they offer multi-retouched photos of Rachel Ray skinnier than she has ever been. They even have a free trial offer that will only cost you shipping and handling and the cost of the entire ship’s crew for a month to bring it from somewhere near Thailand. Cambogia Cambodia Guarcinea taken three times a day with 4 gallons of all natural no sugar added moon beam juice will transform your body into a fat eating machine. Results, complete with retouched photos, show dramatic weight loss reports of up to 12 pounds for every 46 capsules taken or every $47 dollars spent, whichever proves to be true. I wasn’t a sucker this time. I didn’t opt in to support the communist regime in Cambodia/Thailand/North Korea. I went to WalMartHell and got my bottle. I also purchased 6 of the buy one get one free double-deluxe includes nut and chocolate syrup brownie mix and 4 super size bags of the mini-chocolate bars. I have now gained another 3.72 pounds give or take 5 pounds.
Next I was told that if I abided by this one trick and never ate this one food I could lose all my bell fat, quickly. I clicked to see what foods to avoid and learned I should avoid clicking on ads that promise weight loss. I was supposed to stop eating bread, or eggs, or bananas, or something the cave men may or may not have had access to like flame grilled dinosaur meat. I bought the book on the Puh-lay-ohhhhh diet. I never learned what food to avoid but did learn to avoid diet books. After that round of non-weight loss all I could afford to eat was bread. I gained another 6 pounds.
Number 5 on the list of guaranteed ways not to lose weight is Facebook itself. My friends, well intentioned as they are, keep posting recipes for the most delicious food you will never eat. Just last week I tried this wonderful looking pepperoni, cheese pull a-part disaster. I did every just as the directions said, but I think I may not have printed the last part of the recipe. The part that said this stuff smells bad, it tastes bad, and even the wild creatures of nature will not eat it. I baked it anyway. I tried it. Twice. Just to make sure I was right. It was bad. I threw it away and ate the only left in the house, a half-gallon of Blue Bell Strawberries and Cream ice cream. I gained another 3 pounds.
I know now the way to lose weight is sensibly. One pound at a time. By staying away from Facebook, friends, Dr. Oz, anything with Rachel Rays name on it, diet books, and green things.
From the life and mind of: Wanda M. Argersinger
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