Double Up Time

If you take a 40 DD size pair of breasts and add Victoria Secret’s new maximizing bra, what do you get? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

In the past week, it seems every time I turn on the television I have the pleasure of viewing an advertisement for Victoria’s Secret’s new bra. Don’t ask me what its name or number is so you can run out and buy it. I can’t get past the words that state this new bra will increase the look of your bust by two sizes. That’s right – two sizes! And they don’t mean from a 34 to a 36 honey. They mean cup sizes as in a B cup to D cup.

I want to know is there a limit on how large they will let you increase?

Do they sell these things in “any size DD” knowing it’s going to make you a what –  “any size FF”? What if you are already a FF? Would they sell you one the ensures you appear to be a HH?

Can a AA really be made to look like a B just by wearing a particular bra? Pardon me if my skepticism is showing, but I have my doubts for a reason. This would be like making a boiled egg look like a baseball. Personally I don’t think even David Copperfield could do that and hold the illusion for more than a few seconds.

And why is D the only letter that doubles up? Well, except for AA. I don’t see any BB’s or CC’s out there. (BBs used in guns excluded here. We are talking breast size here guys. How did you miss that one?)

Does Victoria’s Secret carry insurance for all the whiplash cases that these things are going to cause? That’s not even mentioning the eyes that might be put out when a woman wearing one of these things turns around too fast? Is Victoria’s Secret going to pay for all the hospital bills and glasses needed from the eye injuries?

Do you think a class action lawsuit would ever make it to court if the new bra fails to make a woman appear two cup sizes larger?

What about the class action lawsuit men might file against the “two sizes larger” women for false advertisement?

I’m curious to know just what the liability portion of Victoria’s Secret’s insurance covers. If they don’t cover these things, will it be the responsibility of the women wearing the new bras?

But most of all, why would a woman want to appear two sizes larger knowing that eventually whomever they want to appear two sizes larger for is going to figure out that they are indeed two sizes smaller? After all, the finding out part done by the lookee is exactly why a woman wants to wear one of these things to begin with. Trust me on this one. Men can tell the difference between eggs, baseballs, cantaloupes and basketballs. That’s what they practice for all their lives. If you, meaning the women who purchase these bras are counting on love, lust, or some other intoxicant to keep the whomever from noticing, it won’t work. Come clean now. These whomevers will notice. Two sizes is not something that can be hidden forever. Time reveals all secrets.

If the whomever you want to look larger for is so shallow they only want to talk or be with you because of your DD’s, run. Take your B, C or D size breasts and run fast, and make sure you are running in the other direction.

Seems to me it’s double up time here. Victoria’s Secret needs to double up its insurance. Women who fall victim to this type advertising need to double up on their self esteem. I need to double up on my margaritas to be able to understand all this stuff.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

www.wandaargersinger.com

 

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6 comments

  1. methinks you may have had one too many margaritas already. I had to read this based soley on your disclaimer and it was worth it. I’ve yet to base any opinion on a female based on looks. I’m more the brains over brawn type.

  2. I’m pretty sure our VicSec stores here are offering the optional “Decorator Package”. The Independence Day selection looked especially fun. ~m

  3. What I want to know is what happens when the relationship, based on that “double up affect” the two added sizes that have attracted that male ogler, goes one step farther and the women have to “let it all hang out”?
    Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author

  4. Two “thumbs” up on this on! Very funny…

  5. With enough cotton and foam rubber, I can double up, double down, and double out any size you want…and that’s no secret!

  6. Funny, Wanda! Great job putting the “truth” out there. And, so true.

    I learned this in high school when padded bras in swim suits were popular. I realized I looked much better in a swim suit than a blouse. And, realized that any guy asking to meet me later would be disappointed. I pulled the pads out and still had fun at the pool.

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