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Forgive Me, I Blinked

If something you do all the time changes, works differently than before, and begins to mess with your mind, what would you do? Yeah, me too.

That’s what’s happening with Facebook.

For about a week now it’s been driving me crazy. I have to admit it took me a day or so to figure out what was behind my Facebook frustration. By that time I had a lot less hair, and had created a few new words to use in those instances when only cursing will suffice.

I had gotten used to having to click my News Feed to get my updates on Facebook. I did this from time to time to make sure I could keep up with the happenings of my friends. I also had to click on Most Recent on occasion, or when it said there were 300 things in my Most Recent that I obviously hadn’t a clue about.

I do want to keep up with what’s happening. Someone could befriend someone else and I might remain clueless. I might also miss the newest must see Youtube, new tagged photo, addition to someone’s farm, a lonely zoo animal, the Only 3 Days Left Special from Acme Rentals, or how many friends are now friends with Kazool Kasenbaum. Inquiring minds want to know.

Day by day, click by click I stayed informed.

One day I was reading the befriending and before I could finish the current one it disappeared off my screen.

I scrolled down to find it, stop to read it and before I could finish the second reading of the first befriending it was gone again.

At first I thought these newsy bits were really disappearing. As in gone forever, headed south for the winter, never to be seen again gone.

Then I figured out they were just rolling down the screen. It didn’t matter how fast I scrolled down, they were faster than I was.

I began to read, the words headed south.

I scrolled down, the went souther.

I rolled the scroll button on my mouse until I saw steam coming out of the poor thing. The words won. They were using nuclear energy. I had only thumb and steam.

I gave up trying to thumb scroll. I moved on to the drag down scroller on the side of the screen. That didn’t matter. My friends were befriending, farming, losing zoo animals and baking at warp speed. Hell, there were 10 or 12 friends befriending at the same time. Often befriending the same person and probably not even knowing it. There were more names on my screen than all the begats in Genesis.

I read fast. Matter of fact, I read about 10 times faster than the average reader. I still couldn’t read fast enough to keep up with the news bits before they went south.

I was getting frustrated to the point I cursed Facebook. I cursed my laptop. I cursed my mouse, Windows 2007, Microsoft, and the air around me for good measure.

Then I gave up. I figured if anything happened that was so damned important someone would e-mail me. My e-mail, as far as I could tell, was still working properly and at a speed comparable to the one I operate in.

About a week after all this mess started, I began to see a problem.

When Facebook was operating at a speed that allowed me to read the befriendings, I only had a few friends. As I added more friends, the befriending, the farm news, the zoo news, and the Youtube videos began moving faster, sending words south before I was done with them. The more friends I added, the faster these things rolled off my screen. It got to a point where they disappeared before I even knew they happened. I was missing everyone’s lives on Facebook.

I haven’t resolved this issue yet. I don’t know how to make things unhappen, or even slow down so I can read about them. I’m on Facebook as much as I possibly can be, but even that is not enough. It takes me 20 minutes to drive from work to home, and home to work. In that time my friends can post up to 500 happenings. Some of them might even be important.

I guess I could unfriend some of these people but that wouldn’t be very nice of me. And I’m almost to 500 friends, a milestone of friendliness.

I could hope to forget about the happenings, but that’s not on the list of the things I forget on a daily basis.

I could un-join Facebook, but I have to be there to promote me, my writing, and my insane life.

I could say screw it all, and chuck the computer, Facebook, and my life. Nah, that’s not happening.

To my friends: I can only say I will do my best to keep up with all of your happenings on Facebook. If I miss something important, it’s not because I didn’t care, or didn’t try. I just blinked for a minute or ran to pee and missed it.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

www.wandaargersinger.com

 

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8 comments

  1. I’ve got farms on farm town and farmville. I guess I get updates, I don’t know. My cousin runs the farm and makes the facebook stuff go away.

  2. Ah……that’s what you were doing! Scrolling will get you every time!

  3. Too funny! I see all your “friending.” You’re the friendliest friend in town! Lol. Loved the post – you kill me.

  4. I know where there is a sale running on adult diapers.

  5. Yup–very frustrating! Thanks for sharing–I feel so much better now. 😉

  6. Lady, I could have written this–one reason I’ve taken a Facebook break!!! Leave it to you, Miss Wanda, to make a frustrating situation downright funny!!!! I needed this today 🙂

  7. Funny! So great you can turn your frustration into humor.

    One more reason I haven’t joined facebook. Aaaargh!

  8. There’s an update button? A news button? A friend button? You can scroll? Dang, this computer! I was laughing until I realized I must be missing a lot! I was born way behind my time!

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