Water Aerobics

You know you should be exercising. You mean to do something about it. Everyone tells you that it’s good for you. You have a million reasons to do something else. What on earth would make you get off your duff and in to some form of exercise? Yeah, me too.

In the early hours of the morning, when the sky is dark and I still have lots of energy, I make the decision to plunge into exercise when I get home that evening. Most days I’m still on that train of thought when lunch time rolls around. Quite often, during the drive home, I’m still thinking I’ll exercise when I get home. As soon as I open the door to exit my car, and the blast furnace known as Florida heat and humidity hits my face, I change my mind. At least that’s the way the last few months, ok years, have gone. Tonight I broke that curse.

I suited up in shorts, tennis shoes, and some sort of tight shirt that doesn’t require a bra but still holds the babes from bouncing, in preparation for a bike ride.

I was sweating from the effort.

Getting the bike onto the road so I could ride was exhausting. I was leaving a trail of puddles behind me so I could find my way back home.

I rode ½ mile from my home. I didn’t want to push it on my first day of exercising.

I turned around doing double duty on the way back as I sweated and rode the entire ½ mile.

By the time I reached my driveway every pore in my skin had sprung a leak.

But I had done it and I had survived.

Sore, thirsty, and so proud of me I took my sweaty body inside to get a bottle of water. I was sweating like no southern lady has ever admitted to doing. I drank the water and went outside to tend to the garden.

I looked like a sprinkler and should be oscillating to maximize coverage with my sweat.

I got the hose out to water the plants. I watered one then watered me to cool down. I watered another one then watered me to cool me down. I watered the garden beds, then watered me, to cool me down. I watered the sun flowers, and watered me. I watered me, then watered me to cool down. I had a rhythm going. By the time I was finished I had watered me and the plants with the hose. I had watered everything else with the stuff dripping and spraying off me. I needn’t worry about mosquitoes. The pressure of my spray would keep them from getting close enough to bite.

Finished with the garden, I went inside to get a shower. I was dripping when I got in the shower and dripping when I got out.

I tried to dry my hair, but the more I dried the wetter it seemed to get. I adjusted the temperature on the hair dryer to a cooler setting. It didn’t help. When I was done drying my hair it was wetter than when I began.

I threw on a house dress and went to get something to eat. I had to return to the bathroom to get a towel. Puddles on the floor are normally attributed to puppies. I have no puppies in my house.

I sat down to eat it, but had to put the towel down first. I was still sweating.

I gardened dripping wet. I showered dripping wet. I dried my hair dripping wet. I ate dripping wet. I cleaned up dripping wet. I figure my first attempt at this exercise thing allowed me to lose .001 pound for my mile of bike riding and 10 pounds in sweat.

It’s been almost 2 hours since I returned home from my attempt at exercising. My legs don’t hurt anymore but my hair is still wet. I have the air conditioner set 72º and I’m still sweating. I think I’ll unintentionally be sleeping in a water bed tonight.

At this rate I could sweat off the 50 pounds I need to lose faster than I can exercise it off. If I had wanted to do water aerobics I would have simply jumped in my pool. It would have been more fun and probably even drier than the mile I did on the bike.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

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www.wandaargersinger.com

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4 comments

  1. Hilarious!!

    That’s why I work at Busch Gardens. I get to hike a few miles from site to site and sweat off a several pounds! Then I come home and hibernate in the AC with an Edy’s Fruit Bar.

  2. We had high temps in the mid 60s in NE Wisconsin. If you could figure out how to bike your way up here, you might be able to do your exercises daily without the sweat. On the other hand, I don’t have a backyard pool, so maybe you’d be ahead to just dive in the one you have!
    Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author

  3. Wanda,what ya have to do is swim in the garden for it to be effective.Just make sure there are no ‘gators in the mud hole.

  4. Excersing for you is like using an evaporative fan in East Texas. It doesn’t work…just blows wet water in an already humidity laden room. Next time, just jump in the pool after your bike ride. Will there be a next time?

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