Don’t you just hate it when someone accepts your friendship on Facebook and you don’t remember requesting their friendship in the first place? Yeah, me too.
But I’m not sure if that’s worse or if it’s worse when someone unfriends you that a: you don’t remember being friends with; b: you don’t know period; or c: you don’t notice the unfriending, but all your friends do. And they are quick to point it out.
It seems both of these things are happening to me so much lately that at first I thought someone had my Facebook password, was logging in as me, and requesting friendships from every name they could find. The stranger the person or name the better.
There is no counter on Facebook (that I’m aware of) that tells me how many friend requests I have out. Many times I request some person’s friendship, and 5 months later they accept. If they deny my request, I might never know. I tend to remember things for short periods of time. Then they get lost in the dusty regions of my brain. I am not a duster.
I logged in to read my e-mail one day and found that Melvin Headneck had accepted my friendship request. Not only had he accepted, but he had sent me a personal e-mail espousing all the things we have in common. Ummmm, ok. I know a few bent necks, a whole passel of rednecks, and even a Beatnik or two, but I don’t recall any Headnecks.
I try to be a polite Facebooker, accepting most offers of friendship. Unless the asking person has two or three heads. Or is listed on the sex offender registry. In every town. I’ve even accepted friendship requests from Yankees and registered republicans. Not at the same time though.
Other days I will log on to Facebook to find a message from one of my bestest friends telling me that another of my bestest friends has unfriended me. Being unaware of the unfriending, I immediately go to my friends list to see if they are still there. They aren’t and now I have to worry what I did to make them so upset that they would publicly unfriend me. Additional worry time is needed for the possibility that some of my remaining friends may know the reason for the unfriending and are keeping that a secret.
Unfriending on Facebook is tantamount to a public flogging, or having your pants drop baring your posterior while standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart. Same thing. Both events leave you totally embarrassed and publicly humiliated.
I can just hear the conversations going on behind my back, or in front of my front on Facebook. Psssst. Did you notice that Mavis Cricklewhicker unfriended Wanda? You don’t happen to be a friend of Mavis are you? Can you ask her what happened? I’m just dying to know.
Facebook proudly displays how many friends you have, so people can check to see if you’ve gained in popularity or have been dumped by someone. Friends will even befriend your friends for some reason or other. It’s called friend-shopping. People who barely know you will look over your friends list to find the powerful, famous, and perhaps even rich. Then they will request a friendship sometimes even using your name to get a favorable reply. I’ve personally never done this, not that I would admit it anyway.
Worse than that. If you don’t have enough friends, according to some someone or some computer, then Facebook put’s your name on the side for others to help you out. Poor thing. You only have 42 friends and obviously need some help. You aren’t able to make friends on your own. Then everyone wonders what’s wrong with you. More shame and humiliation.
It has gotten so bad that I am checking Facebook two or three times a day to count the number of friends I have. I can’t stand it when another person knows my friends better than I do.
I’ll be talking on line with someone and they say, “Hey. I see you’re friends with Susie Muddlefreck.”
“Well I saw her on your Facebook page.”
“Oh, yes. Nice of you to notice.” I leave it at that. Anything more and the friend I’m speaking with may get specific on me. She may actually know what Susie does. Worse, she may know that I don’t know what Susie does.
This on-line friending and unfriending is getting out of hands. I can’t remember the names of people when I meet them face to face. Half of my friends on Facebook don’t use real pictures which only muddies my already muddled mind. Can you imagine meeting people in person and instead of their face you see a dog’s butt, a vegetable, or someone with a finger up their nose and out through their eye? I wouldn’t have a chance of remembering anyone and would probably call them Mr. Onion or Ms. Nosefinger.
For now, I’ll just say Thank You to anyone who has accepted my Facebook friendship request, whether the request came from me or not. If you haven’t accepted, don’t worry. I probably don’t remember requesting it anyway.
For those of you requesting my friendship, I hope I have responded in a kind matter. If not, I swear it’s not my fault. I’ve been busy worrying about all this friending and unfriending stuff.
And for the last lot of you, the ones who may have unfriended me, well prrrrrrrrfffffffft!
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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