Stand and Watch

Would someone explain to me please, if this bizarre phenomenon is only seen in my home, or if this is possibly something that the U.S. Government should invest a trillion dollars in to run some sort of multi-year, one hundred percent funded, research project to get a definitive answer? I can tell you for a fact that every male born in to this family, or any male who walks through the doors of my home is immediately struck with a desperate need that does not leave their bodies until the exit the home. So far, I have seen it in my grandchildren from the age where they can stand on their own tiny two feet to the time they can barely get out of their lift-a-seat recliners. Fortunately it has not been seen in any of the female members of the family.

I can be sitting quietly, watching something on television that no male on earth would express an interest in, and as soon as a male comes within viewing range of the television they are struck with the urge to stand and watch. There is no way to determine how long the stand and watch will remain. That secret is buried deep within the male brain, if there is such a place.

I have one lovely couch in my living room, one nice leather love seat that reclines and even has those nice little foot rests that rise up to make you comfortable. Included in the furniture are also two chairs, one sized for adults and one size for children. In the den there is a beautiful leather couch with matching chair and ottoman. There is even a coffee table should the leather furniture not be what is desired. Doesn’t matter. They are never used by the males of the house.

Why just today my eight year old grandson was at my home and was watching Home Alone with me. I was snuggled in to the cushions of the couch. He was standing in front of the television watching the same movie. I can’t say he sat the entire time the movie was on. I can’t say that because it never happened.

He often does the same thing when cartoons are on. Or adventure shows. Or gruesome sci-fi type stuff.

The men in this family can breeze in to a room, stand and watch, ask questions about what is on, interrupting your television watching enjoyment, and then breeze out of the room. They can also breeze in, stand and watch, and not leave until whatever it is that is on is off.

I personally think this has something to do with their knees being locked by the feminine nature of the shows. They can’t bend allowing them to sit with such things on television. Or perhaps it’s some form of testosterone, male, macho preventative thing that won’t allow them to sit in a room where sports, hunting or fishing are not the current choice of programming.

Are these men missing their sitting genes? No, they are not. I have enough evidence to the contrary. They can sit in front of computers for hours. They can sit and play video games for days. They can sit and eat until there is nothing left. They can’t however wander in to a room where a television is playing, sit on a piece of furniture and enjoy the show.

If this phenomenon is seen in any other house, which I suspect it is, I want to know why it happens? If it isn’t evident elsewhere then why does it occur in my living room, and den, and any other room where a television is playing? It never happens when the television is off.

Have you ever seen a man stop dead in their tracks to catch a glimpse of Steel Magnolias, and even engage in conversation about the movie after watching a mere thirty seconds? Well it happens at my house all the time. It also happens with Judge Judy, Gone With the Wind, My Fair Lady, Dancing With the Stars and commercials about feminine products.

Perhaps it has something to do with a recessively quiet annoyance gene that is triggered by 1) a television, 2) in a room with females watching the television, 3) where some female type movie / advertisement / television show is playing.

The only thing that saves these males from being verbally annihilated by the females is that all the females know that the stand and watch can end just as quickly as it began. However, no one knows the reason why, or when exactly this might happen.

To make it worse their stand and watch is always conducted in such a manner that it blocks the view of one of the females in the room. Now I can’t say that this is done intentionally, but I have my suspicions. If you interrupt the stand and watch process you are met with a deep hrrumph noise at which point the male will leave the room. But don’t take joy in that fact. The next time he enters the room the stand and watch will begin all over.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

All Rights Reserved 2009

www.wandaargersinger.com

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2 comments

  1. This one is very cute. I can totally see it and I can sympathize. We didn’t have that converter box until just recently so the only TV we had was movies. I thought my husband was suffering from withdrawal. Boy is was peaceful in the house – not anymore. (D*@# box)

  2. How true that is. Very funny story. Love it. As I do all of them. I can watch a chick-flick, and the boys will just stand there and watch. No sitting down required. How funny you can turn this into a very cute story. Just love it!!!

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