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Highlights From My Life

  • Born with a purse in one hand and lipstick in the other (still there today though the purse is
    more like a suitcase and the lipstick is bright pink)

 

  • 1962 – First story written in 2nd grade using spelling words; subject – mice who drink too
    much and party all night long: teachers suggest counseling

 

  • 1965 – anxious to ‘develop’ so can purchase first bra (desperately need a support system)

 

  • 1972 – Took twelve English / Literature courses in senior year of high school ; counseling
    offered

 

  • 1970’s – Married; gave birth to three children; gained much material for future use; sought
    counseling (need a good support system and need it NOW!)

 

  • 1973 – Breast size increased from 34b to 42DD during 1st pregnancy. Doctor orders me
    into a breast binder. (I thought torture went out with the Middle Ages. See 1965 – ‘be careful
    what you wish for’)

 

  • 1970’s – 1980’s – Siblings married; more relatives = more material for stories; suggested
    some of them seek counseling

 

  • 1980’s – seek employment with pay and benefits to support my many addictions
    /obsessions & neuroses

 

  • 1990’s – Exploding under wire bra phase begins (my support system begins to fail)

 

  • 1992 – Diagnosed with lupus; choice of giving in or using humor to survive; I’m still here

 

  • 1992 – Best friend went to treatment center; desperately needed humor to keep her spirits
    up; sent stories of sock eating vacuum cleaners, petrified pets, long-lost vegetables; friend
    survived – writing now a part of everyday life

 

  • 1993 – Took first courses in creative writing ; invited by teacher to be Treasurer of local
    writing group due to my skills in this area (Note: not invited to write with or for the group)

 

  • 1995 – Was nicknamed Lucy after Lucy Van Pelt (the nickel therapist) from Charles Schultz’
    Peanuts character

 

  • 1995 – Began writing seriously – OOPS!! Began writing humor on a regular basis

 

  • 1996 – Developed strange obsession with getting up at 6 a.m. every other Saturday to visit
    with nail technician and get pedicure and manicure (OH, the price of beauty is high; see
    1980 and reference to obsessions / addictions)

 

  • 2002 – Bras still causing problems – now with the heightened security at airports (more
    trouble with the support system)

 

  • 2003 – Told by eminent Physician that all of my problems could be cured by losing weight
    and purchasing a new bra (suggested he and his staff seek counseling)

 

  • 2003 – Joined the local Footprints group to write my life story as a legacy for my children
    (that’s all they’ll get; I spent their inheritance on counseling and bras)

 

  • 2005I found out by taking Turkish lessons that I don’t translate well and am incomplete
    and dead (being dead has its advantages – no more counseling or bras)

 

  • 2008 – Bras are still a very big part of my life. I now own approximately 3 more than the ages
    of my children combined. None of them are sexy. None of them are from Victoria’s Secrets.
    And none of them fit. I have begun taking Arabic lessons so I can communicate with my
    Egyptian friends – though I’m not sure how that will help with the current bra situation.

  • 2010 – Attended the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Found out I am not
    alone in my insanity. There are other women (and one man) out there with purse and shoe
    fettishes, ill fitting bras, and bizarre looks on life.

 

  • 2011 – Still seeking the perfect pain relief. Yes the margaritas help, but I’m looking for long
    term relief without the long term effects. (I love you Jose, but I’m looking for someone or
    something new.)

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