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28 FebDemon With The Red Fabric On

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Do you spend nights worrying about stupid stuff? Yeah me too.

But furniture?

I never gave any thought to the height of furniture until that damn red couch came to sit in my living room.

My last couch was red. I loved it.

It was wide, and low, and full of comfy ‘fold into me pillows’. Perfect for a nap.

So when I saw this red couch advertised in the paper I had to go look.

I knew before I got to the store that the length was right. I knew I the color was right. The only thing I had to deal with was the sit test, and was it comfy for a nap. I was happy when it passed both.

I could sit on the couch and my feet touched the floor. That’s test number one. Mine did.

I lay down on the couch and though it was a short non-nap nap, it seemed to pass that test also.
Money exchanged hands. A delivery date was set. The deal was done.

The next week the new couch arrived, was placed in the living room, and the living on the new couch commenced.

Something seemed amiss in my idyllic world.

When sitting on the new couch I was almost a foot above the old couch, meaning I was also a foot above the coffee table.

I tried to find the good in this. I thought perhaps for resting one’s feet on the coffee table this would be the perfect height. It is only if you want your legs to be used as the downward trial road for box car racing. It is good though if you suffer from poor circulation in your small toe.

My next good thought was wonderful. Now no one will eat in the living room which will keep the new couch clean.

I soon found out no eating in the living room includes me.

I removed the offending coffee table and left the couch.

Since that brilliant move I have been placing my drinks on the floor beside the couch.

I have personally kicked them over twice, and that was in the same day. I have knocked the drink over at least once by moving the couch to fix the phone that hasn’t worked since the new couch came to live with me.

I have tried to nap on the couch a couple times but just before nodding off I awaken drenched in fear. Certain words run through my mind on a continuous loop – If I should fall before I wake, at least one hip I’m sure to break.

My bed isn’t as far from the ground as my formerly perfect new red couch.

I’ve never been afraid of much in my life, so it pains me to admit that I currently live in fear of furniture.

The new red couch is a bully.

It is ruining my beautiful rug by making me kick over drinks. It is ruining my naps by shaking me awake in fear. It is ruining great television by not allowing food to be consumed on it.

I know there are huge campaigns against bullying at school. Does anyone know of help for how to deal with a bullying but beautiful red couch?

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2012 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

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Category(s): Life In The Land of Confusion
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21 FebI May Be Blind But I Know Crapola When I See It

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I drove home from work yesterday all by myself. And safely I might add.

I’ve done the same thing for the past thirty-something years.

No BIG deal you think.

Well it was, because I did it and didn’t run over anyone or anything. I think.

For the past month or so I haven’t been able to read those teeny tiny words at the bottom of the television each time I change the channel. That’s important to me. With so much crap on tv these days I need to screen out things like the evening news, political pundits, the morning news, and other crap.

So yesterday I called my favorite eye dr. She said come right in, so I did.

With limited eyesight I filled out all 43 of the required forms. I’m sure I signed the one that said I DECLINE to have my eyes dilated.

They dilated my eyes. This was after I removed my contacts which happen to be the very things that allow me to see things other than walls.

They told me my vision had decreased from 20/20 to 20/50 which was barely above legally blind. (That’s Blind people – not blonde.)

They did a bunch of other tests and then said I needed to be seen by a retina specialist. Do it now because your eyes are dilated.

I put my contacts back in and drove across 4 lanes of traffic (safely) to the retina specialist.

They took the copies of the reports from doctor #1and instructed me to complete 27 new forms.

I did inform them my eyes were dilated, just in case.

They dilated them again, just in case.

I did have the opportunity to remove my contacts first. I put them in a case with contact solution to keep them safe. After all how could I drive home without them?

I proceeded through the exact same tests Dr. #1 performed and then was instructed to wait in a dark room.

When Dr. #2, the retina specialist was ready I was escorted to a small room, perhaps a closet.

He looked at the notes from Dr. #1, then he asked me what was going on. (Question #1.)

I explained that my vision had been distorted for about a month and I have had a headache for more than 1 week now, without relief. I stated I assumed the headache was from straining my eyes to see.

“Hmmmm. You’re vision has been distorted for a month and you’ve had a headache for a week and your first thought was to see your eye doctor? “

“Should I have consulted with my gynecologist?”

“You never thought of seeing your family doctor?”

“I was there last week for my quarterly visit and everything was fine.”

“In my experience headaches like this are normally sinus headaches. I’ll send a report to your family doctor. I suggest you see him tomorrow but I’ll be glad to check them again if necessary.”

“Thanks but next time I’ll my podiatrist.”

I left his office without the benefit of contacts in my eyes. When I did have the chance to remove them from their case and insert into my eyes I noticed that in my clear way of seeing things I had put one on the rim of the case and cut it in half. The other one was salvageable.

So I put it in and drove home with double dilated eyes and one contact lens.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M Argersinger
© 2012 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

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Category(s): Life In The Land of Confusion

17 JanNeed I Worry?

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Do you worry alone or are you a better worrier as part of a group? Yeah, me too.

And lately I’ve been worrying about me.

I must admit, I do a damn fine job too.

I had my annual eye examination about 6 or 7 months ago and left with great new contacts. I would be able to wear them for an entire 2 weeks before they need to be changed. A wonderful thing for someone who drops and loses everything and couldn’t find her head without her contacts in. They were so precise I could read without glasses. I did however need the contacts.

Not so this past month. I need the contacts, readers and sometimes a magnifying glass to read certain things. This concerns me and gives cause for worry.

To make matters worse, I can’t see to drive with my sunglasses on, but can’t be outside without them. A double-whammy.

Yes, I fear I may be getting somewhat older than I was this time last year. But is that any reason to completely fall apart?

To add to my worry I recently told a co-worker about an incident with a printer. It needed toner. No problem thought I. I once was a network engineer. (Note the word engineer.) I secured the box holding the new toner. I got it open and even opened that stupid silver package that keeps the toner safe from engineers. I got the old toner out of the printer. The end.

Well it would have been had I not recruited 2 more co-workers and some guy who happened to wander through the office to help get the new toner into the printer. Not one of us could figure it out – independently or collectively. We did the next best thing. After carefully retrieving the instructions from the trash and reading them, the job was completed.

Later in the day I was explaining to one of the bosses why it took 4 people to change the toner in the refrigerator.

Yes, she caught the slip of tongue.

This past weekend was the weekend to change contact lenses. I have a system. The boxes containing lenses for the right eye go on the right side of the shelf. Those containing the contacts for the left eye go on the left side. I took the left box down, took out a contact and replaced the box. I did the same for the right. For some reason I decided to exam the lenses before inserting them.

Can you believe I’ve been walking around worrying for the past 2 or so weeks worrying about me when in fact I’ve been wearing left lenses in both eyes?

Do we really do more stupid things as we get older? You see, I thought we were supposed to get wiser with age. Unable to determine where I could locate statistics on such things I decided to get a dollar out of my office to get a Coke (yes, I really need the caffeine) from the vending machine. After closing my wallet I promptly turned around and threw the entire wallet in the trash can behind me.

At least I knew I did it and had time to retrieve it. Doesn’t that count for something?

Okay. Group worry can begin now.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2012 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

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Category(s): Life In The Land of Confusion
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