If you’ve done something in your past that does not fit with the image you have of yourself today, do you hide it, ignore it, or tell the whole damn world? Yeah, that’s what I think.

I may not look like it now with my heels (stilettos), claims of hating dirt, and other things, but I once was a chicken farmer, and once was a pig farmer, and once was….. oh yeah, this is about farming.

It’s true.

We lived in my grandmother’s house for awhile. She had only one neighbor. My sons were young. We got a crazy notion that it would be good to raise a few chickens. So we did.

Sort of.

We mended the coop my grandmother had used many years ago. We got some chickens from somewhere. We fed them. We watered them. We let them wander around. And on occasion we found some eggs.

A few years later, a new residence, a lot of land nearby owned by my father and we ended up with pigs. I wasn’t in charge of that decision. I wasn’t in charge of purchasing the pigs.  I wasn’t in charge of feeding them, but somehow I got the job of walking them back from the bay to which they escaped. They loved the water. Any water, no matter what they had to do to get there, or whose property the water was on.

The particular body of water they gravitated to was a mile south of the pigs home and there were only two ways the runaway pigs were leaving the water and returning home. The first  way involved catching them, pulling them out of the water, loading them in a truck, and driving them home. Some of the pigs weighed close to 300 pounds. I wasn’t fit any of these tasks except perhaps driving and then only after a couple of margaritas.

The other option was to walk through the woods with a bucket of corn in each hand shaking the bucket and calling the pigs while you made your way the one mile back to the pens. It seems I was deemed fit for this task.

We haven’t had chickens, pigs, or even a dog in at least a decade or so. I have no desire to return to that time.

But every once in a while some person has either a great idea about farming, or a stupid idea. I’ll leave the judging to you.

Yesterday while perusing Craigslist for my area I was surprised to find someone who allows you to rent chickens. But not just the chickens, you can rent everything needed for the chickens. You can rent the coop. You can rent the nests. Perhaps you can rent the farmer, but the ad wasn’t clear on that. These people/person will come to your place, set it up according to your yard and instructions and then charge you a measly $600 to $900 per month – depending. I’m not sure if you can only rent them by the month, of if daily and weekly rental would be an option, for those times when only a fresh egg will do.

Even if the eggs are free range and healthier, I think the price per egg is a bit steep. But maybe that’s just me. Oh wait, I forgot, you do get the benefit of having your very own fertilizer plant, that will in all probability stink. I learned early on in my gardening years that stink and neighbors do not go well together.

I’ve heard of Rent-A-Son, Rent-A-Husband, and though the name is a lot different and it’s illegal you can even rent a woman – by the hour. But this rent a chicken thing is new, even for me. If you’re interested, here’s the address: http://pensacola.craigslist.org/grd/4603608389.html

I think I’ll stick to country living without the animals. I’ve heard there is a store that sells eggs – by the dozen – for a lot less and I don’t have to feed, water, or scoop any poop to get them.

From the Life and Mind of Wanda M. Argersinger

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This Post Has One Comment

  1. Anna

    Maybe it’s for those guys who have told everyone they’re a farmer and now suddenly they need to prove it. hahaha

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