In Honor of All Southern Christmases
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
The A/C was running, ‘cause we live in the south
The boots were lined up, inside the door
Covered from the weather, waiting for the score
The chil’ens had all been sent to their sacks
While Mama and me were knocking one back
Mama in her crop top, and me in my shorts
Gave us just enough time for some adult sports
When out on the lawn there was grunting and growling
I grabbed my gun, flew out the door, to do a little hunting
When I got the damndest surprise of my life
A little round man, dressed in red with a pipe
The moon was a bright one, no good for hunting
The red man didn’t care, he moved through it like lightning
He found the boots on the porch and filled them with tackle,
Wigglers, and lures, ammo and tobacco
We stopped for a minute, scratched our heads with a thought
How’d that red man get in here without being caught?
There’s gators, and bears, and snakes everywhere
And yet here was the red man with nary a care
He was dressed rather strangely, who wears fur in the South?
Fur hat on his head, when it’s hot as hell out?
He gave not a care, when we tried to warn him
About Doofus our dog, and barks are a warning
He liked treeing critters, and children and men
Sent them up the tree, then back down again
Ole Doofus can climb a tree like a cat
When you’re run off by him, you don’t never come back
That old red man kept at his work, hanging lights, bells, and stars
Why he even decorated the tractors and cars
He smiled all the while, a jolly old cuss
We watched in amazement, with no reason to fuss
When he finished his work, he turned real quick
Pulled out his phone to snap a few pics
He winked over at us, and gave a nod very slow
Then finished things up, by adding some bows
We watched and we wondered, how he’d ever get out
Of the swamp that we lived in, but moreover the South
Fear not Santa lovers, for sooner than later
A boat glided in, pulled by six alligators
He grabbed up his bag, and threw it aboard
Then called them by names, and upward they roared
Now Cletus, and Buford, and Sammy, and Joe
Follow Tyler, and Redd, they know which way to go
Up to the sky, more children to see
As long as it’s dark, it’s still Christmas Eve
We last saw him waving, as he disappeared from our sight
Merry Christmas to y’all, y’all have a good night.
©Wanda M. Argersinger
2016 All Rights Reserved
This Post Has One Comment
Wonderful! Great job, Wanda! Hope all is well with you. Merry Christmas.