If you are not enamored with something that the entire world is enamored with, does that make you an unenamored person or the only smart one on the earth? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Someone, please tell me what’s the deal with pink fish? Specifically salmon.

I may be the only person on the earth that isn’t in love with it, but that’s ok. I live in the South and we have plenty of other fish to eat.

My family heritage may be Scandanavian, and that may mean fish, but fish isn’t limited to pink, and personally, I’m tired of hearing about its health benefits, tired of seeing it in every recipe except cake, and I’m not really sure about that.

Just today, as I was perusing the New York Times headlines that are delivered to my inbox, there it was again. This time nestled in a bed of delicious lettuce. I would have tossed the entire dish, plate and all, in the garbage for no reason other than, in my world, no fish other than tuna belongs in salad.

Yes, I know that makes me sound narrow-minded. Fine. I’ll be narrow-minded.

But if my memory serves me correctly salmon has bones, and by bones, I mean invisible things that stick in your throat and make you gag and cough. I am remembering the salmon of my youth that came from a can. Why would any sane person put fish in a can, I mean other than sardines and herring, which belong in a can, the trash can.

When I saw Hoke take that can of salmon from Miss Daisy’s pantry, I choked. I knew he would soon be choking on those damn bones. He may still be choking for all I know. I never could figure out why he didn’t take something else, anything else. No. He took that damn pink fish full of bones.

People pay small fortunes to own a piece of pink fish. Hell, they pay three fortunes to go and catch the things, then they have to clean them, and either eat them on the spot or pay another fortune to ship them home, bones and all.

I don’t know if there is a way to get rid of the bones in those fish but it seems to me, as a child I was told the bones are so small you simply swallow them. Uh, what? Not me.

According to Google, that knows everything: Fact: The bones that are usually present in canned salmon are perfectly edible and provide a rich source of calcium. The canning process makes the bones soft enough to chew and mix well with the meat.

First, I am not a cat.

Second, I wasn’t fooled as a child. You can’t fool me now even if Google says its true.

Third, I like my bones large enough to find and remove before I eat whatever they were in. Even our southern beloved mullet has bones, and we crave the fish on the backbone. It’s sweet and better eating, but we eat the fish, not the bones. 

So could you stop with the pink fish? Eat it if you like bones. Put it in your salads, but don’t take photos of it to share with everyone. And please, please, please, if you get a bone in your throat, die quietly.

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Wanda M. Argersinger

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