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Running With The Big Dogs

Have you ever been stopped by the police and told you were driving too slow, even though you were driving the speed limit? Yeah, me too.

It happened to my assistant while she was in Mobile, Alabama.

I was in Mobile, Alabama last week. I was not driving the speed limit.
I run with the big dogs. The big dogs run at 80 mph.

Well, I ran with the big dogs until the big dogs created a traffic jam.

I have never understood traffic jams.

I drive in Florida most of the time. Sure. We have traffic jams in Florida, but we have them for a reason.

If the cars aren’t moving in Florida you can bet there is either a police man up ahead with radar or there is an accident.

Not so in Mobile.

They have traffic jams for the sake of having traffic jams.

There I was running 80 mph, anticipating being home in about an hour.

Two miles before the Wallace Tunnel traffic came to a complete stop. Five lanes of traffic came to a complete stop.

Dumb me figured there must be an accident or a stalled car in the tunnel.

Nope.

Twenty-five minutes and two miles later when I finally got to the tunnel I found a big fat nothing. No accident. No police man. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

Traffic moved through the tunnel. Crawled would be a more accurate term for how we progressed through the tunnel. But once on the other side, 80 mph, here I come.

For the length of the Bayway Bridge.

When traffic reached the Eastern Shore it was stopping time again. One more traffic jam. It remained jammed until we reached the Daphne Exit. Then we were off again.

These traffic jam things that happen for no reason, baffled me all the way home.

How and why does traffic just stop?

Is 80 mph suddenly too much for the cars to contend with?

Is there some secret code that the other drivers see telling them to slow down?

Is there some force out there with a bizarre sense of humor that decides it’s time to play with the traffic?

My guess is that there is some jack-ass at the head of the pack that drives with his foot on the brake. He has a control issue that needs to be corrected.

Send that jackass to Florida and we will run him over and make him a flat-ass.

Ok. Make that Northwest Florida. In the southern part of the state they put up with anything, because they can’t see over their steering wheels to get to the early dinner special. It’s allowed in the southern part of the state. Not so here in Northwest Florida.

In Northwest Florida if you decide to stop for no reason we will run over your dumb ass. I speak from experience here.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

4 comments

  1. The Purse Poodle here — weighing in from Central Florida. Big Dogs have SunPass instant toll-payers. Purse Poodles use exact change or, better yet, take the back roads where we go 90 mph and drive over top of the jams.

  2. So gald you’re back, Wanda. If you can voice frustration you are on the mend. When I’m sick I don’t give a s#$% what is going on around me. Funny blog. The big hold ups here are tunnels, but sometimes the traffic just seems to stop. A few weeks ago my daughters and I were stopped by a parade that we didn’t know about. An hour and half later….

  3. So glad you’re back, Wanda! Loves me the Florida driving. Flat roads, palm trees and sunny days. I, too, run with the Big Dogs at 80 m.p.h. in BlowHio. We’ll run your ass down up here, too!

  4. Well, she’s baaaaaack! And I’m glad. According to the traffic guru’s, at least in Texas, a fender bender at 7a.m. will jam traffic up at 9a.m. I don’t know why. There is a stretch going into Shreveport La. that slows you to 2 miles per hour, no wreck, no nothing, then it speeds up again. the only thing I can figure is that there are several feeder roads and people, like me, slow down for the Kamakazies determined to blend into the main stream of traffic immediately, even though the sign says yield. Sure you haven’t mixed up your wine and meds?

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