Holy chocolate!
Who crapped in my bed?
I mean it.
I demand to know who crapped in my bed.
I have no dogs living in my house.
I have no cats living in my house.
I have no young children living in my house.
The three bears would find it intolerable in my house.
Basically I have me living in my house and I was housetrained over 50 years ago.
And yet, there is a pile of crap in my bed.
So once again I ask, who crept in to my bed and crapped?
One night last week, weary from the day, exhausted from the drama, I crawled in to bed to relax and sleep.
There are approximately 6 pillows on my bed at all times. I tried to rearrange the pillows to my sleeping position. One pillow refused to move. No one gave the pillow the right to have its own mind. It is supposed to move as I want it to.
I investigated the unwilling pillow and found it wedged to the bed by a pile of dried brown stuff. Stuff that looked like crap.
I do, on occasion, take Ambien to help me sleep.
I know that there are those who wander and eat while on Ambien.
Are there those who take Ambien, wander and crap in stranger
Funny, Wanda! Milk Duds! I occasionally find almonds in my bed. But I know how they got there. I’m the original midnight snacker.
Milk duds? Really, Wanda! I laughed until the tears ran down my cheeks. It reminded me of my parents. When my dad had a sore throat he insisted on chewing on black licorice. Sometimes he would go to sleep with a piece of it in his mouth, and of course it would seep out and run down onto his pillowcase. Finally, Mother died a pillowcase black, and she insisted that he tell her ahead of time when he was going to go to bed with his licorice so she could put the black pillowcase on for him.
Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author
Wanda,
You don’t work in your sleep,go for rides down the street in your sleep,talk on the phone while asleep. You are missing half of your available time.
I don’t eat in bed but I eat while sleeping in my recliner.Camilla has to un-choke me frequently.
I ate a lot of Milk duds when I was a kid,but I don’t want to eat any now,not for awhile anyway.I tend to remember almost everything, and in technicolor.
OMG. I lived through Ambien. I would get up in the middle of the night, cook things in the microwave. My husband would find chocolate and powder and all kinds of stuff all over the kitchen in the morning. I also emailed under the influence. People got whole email messages from me with no vowels. And then there was a chapter I wrote in my book, which strangely enough, turned out pretty good, once I added the vowels and changed around a few words that made no sense. I also can talk on the phone and not remember talking to the person.
Grandma takes Ambien sometimes, and I’m sure she gets up and does weird things. I’ve gotten there in the morning and there will be piles of freshly-washed laundry on the guest bed. I’ll say, “Do you want me to fold these sheets up?” and she’ll deny washing them. It’s either the Ambien or she has laundry fairies 🙂
I’m glad you discovered that it was Milk Duds and not…well, you know. Great piece!
Here’s a hint. Poop stinks loooong before it solidifies! Skip the Ambien, you are funny enough without it.
Yeah, I think I agree with Jo here. I happen to like my nights just the way they are and would never tinker with them. haha Cute tale though, I was cringing right along with you. haha
HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!!!!
Only you can take a simple treat and turn it into one of lifes great mysteries! Thank god it wasn’t a Baby Ruth (See Caddyshack).
By the way when I was a wee lad I once made my brother throw up using a handful of Raisinettes!
Fight The Power!!!!