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Ninjas In The Airport

Have you ever been attacked and lost the battle, but won the war? Yeah, me too.

I was on my way to the 2012 Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Dayton and I have a love/hate affair going on. I was there in 2010 and spent the first night in the emergency room due to a bad suitcase accident that resulted in an injured right arm for me. This time, I didn’t quite make it to Dayton before I was attacked and injured.

Apparently Ninja’s run rampant in the Atlanta airport. I had not been advised of this by any U.S. Department of anything. I had not read about them on the internet. And I certainly didn’t see the attack coming.

But there I was trying to get from gate B12 to B32. Somewhere around B10 the concourse opens into a circle filled with magazine and book stores, and a myriad of food that smells better than it tastes. But I was hooked. I exited the main lane and aimed for one of the food sellers. I never made it there. Just before reaching my destination I was attacked by 3 ninjas.

I’m not a bad ninja fighter, even in heels. I was holding my own until a 4th ninja snuck up behind me and kicked my right knee. Down I went, slamming my right knee into the tile floor. Having done their deed the ninjas disappeared and I was left sprawled unceremoniously on the tile. One nice man, a traveler I am sure, came and asked me if I was ok. I lied and told him I was.

When I was upright once more I hobbled the rest of the way to gate 32. It’s a long way from food to gate B32 in the Atlanta airport. My knee was bruised. It was swollen. It hurt like hell. But I had a plane to catch and a conference to get to.

The man at the gate took pity on the way I was walking and had me taken to the plane in a wheel chair. When I would normally have argued that I didn’t need the chair, it was obvious to even me, that the chair was a necessary accommodation on this one instance. I was on the plane. I was on my way. I was in agony. I was however still thinking so I sent a text message to my dear friend Crystal, who was picking me up at the airport in Dayton.

I don’t remember exactly what it said but I know it included the words, busted, knee, ice, ace bandage, freaking ninjas and a few words that cannot be translated in this piece. She came thru. When I got in the car with her she had bags of cold packs, ace bandages, and knew where the margaritas could be found.
Everyone I saw for the next 5 days asked about my limp. They did not seem particularly surprised by the ninja attack. They were more concerned with the answers to the following questions. ‘Did you file a claim? Did you go to the emergency room?’ Both were answered with a strong NO. I would have missed my plane. I would have missed the conference. They were puzzled. I was not. I went and it was great.

I have been warned that in 2014 I should be wary of the Pensacola Airport as it is next in line since the injuries seem to be happening closer and closer to home. The first accident occurred in Dayton, the second in Atlanta. Pensacola seems to be next on the list.

Do not worry. I am without fear. I will however not be without ninja repellant, friendly suitcases, and a bodyguard.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2012 All Rights Reserved

About Wanda Argersinger


  1. Hell, Atlanta ain’t even a Southren City anymore. Those beautiful Gulfstreams are made right there in Georgia. If you pretended to be interested in buying one just ask for a demonstration flight to Oz. I’m sure Erma would be thrilled at your ingenuity. If you told the ninja’s that you were working for the Secret Service they may have escorted you right to your plane. Jay

  2. Ouch! I’m so glad you made it to the conference – so sorry you got hurt trying to get there!

  3. Effin’ Ninjas! Lemme at ’em. I will kick their A$$es. Nobody messes with my Wanda, my FOAS!!
    Feel better, my friend.

  4. I’m glad to hear you have a body guard lined up. Maybe you should consider a little body armor. See if you can find some of the Mad Max stuff with spikes. It might keep creepy ninja attackers at a bit of a distance.

  5. Wanda, only you can make disaster sound funny. Make sure you have bodyguards lined up for ’14. But don’t hire TSA agents, they’ve proven to be ineffective, but still annoying.

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