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Cracked-In Character Had Head

When you are taken unaware by accoster people while shopping do you ever want to turn around and accost them back in some way that will make them question their profession? Yeah, me too.

My friend Nana Kaye, the one who learned to crochet just over a year ago, has brought accosting into a whole new world.

Nana Kaye does not accost with perfume samples.

Or food samples.

Or surveys.

Or solicitations for money.

Nana Kaye’s accosting things are hats.

Yup.

Hats.

Crocheted hats.

Owls.

Frogs.

Puppies.

Monkey.

SpongeBob Squarepants.

She makes the hat and then turns it into an accosting item.

Nana Kaye has 3 daughters. Teenage daughters. Teenage daughters who won’t wear these hats.

But Nana Kaye loves to make the hats.

She has made them for nieces and nephews.

She has made them for the children of friends she was in high school with.

She has made them for the children of people she was in residence for one week with.

She has made them for friends of on-line friends.

She has searched her Facebook friend’s accounts to see who have children so she can make hats for them.

She has been through all her family, friends, enemies, and anyone who may have been born in the state of Alabama if they have children.

I told her she needed to seek therapy for this hat addiction.

Her reply is always the same, “ I just love them. Aren’t they cute?”

She asked me if I know of children who would love the hats.

I told her to give them to the homeless.

She asked me to ask my Facebook friends. All one thousand one hundred and sixty-seven of them.

My friends are writers. We had children but now they only exist in our stories. If we had children I would hide that fact from Nana Kaye.

She has been through her old yearbooks, her old drinking buddy list, the gals at the store where she purchases her diet cokes, the homeless shelter, the names on the back of yarn wrappers, and now has her children wearing the hats to school and handing out cards that say, “My mom can make a hat for you. Call 1-800-INeedToMakeHats.”

Hats are like crack to this lady. Have yarn, will make hats.

Thus far I have avoided giving her any names of friends who possibly have children. I fear for her sanity.

I also fear she may get arrested.

She lives only 1 mile from the largest mall in town.

It’s Christmas time.

Santa is at the mall.

Children go to see Santa.

I’ve heard through the rumor mill that the police are looking for some lady who is accosting shoppers asking them if they have children?

“Do you have children? Do they need hats? I can make hats for your children? Do you think they would like a frog?”

According to the police report they believe their suspect to be giving away free hats. They don’t know what the hats are made of or what may be in them. But they are suspicious.

If you see some crazy lady running toward children in the mall, hide. Then call me. If you hear her say,
“Got kids? Need a hat? I can make you a hat? They’re really cute?”

Call me fast.

Even though I taught Nana to crochet I accept no responsibility for her addiction, her accosting, or her bail.

I will however take her yarn and hook to the jail. After all, there are still millions of children without character hats on their heads.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

11 comments

  1. This is your best yarn yet. You had me in stitches. My stomach is still in a knot. I bet you had a ball weaving this yarn. My hat’s off to you. Don’t throw a stitch as you place a frog hat on.

  2. When I was in Chicago recently, Kevin and I went past a vintage shop that had a lot of hats like this in their window, but they were made of felt instead of crocheted. Does Nana Kaye have a relative in Illinois? I thought they were rather cute, and then Kevin took a picture of me and a fellow we met at an art gallery show opening and the oil painting of a big owl ended up looking like it was roosting on his head. Sounds to me like the whole country is going to the birds!
    Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author

  3. These must be the cutest most precious hats out there….bless her heart….at least she has something to displaces the fact that she has THREE TEENAGE DAUGHTERS…LOL

  4. They are cute!!!! Why is she looking toward kids–I’m willing to bet she could get more adults to buy them–or parents of babies 🙂

  5. I want an owl hat. Tell Nana Kaye that Angela Weight in Dublin, GA wants an owl hat. Unfortunately I’m not a child, but I act like one quite often. Just ask my husband and kids. Great piece. I laughed out loud with no one to share it with.

  6. I love your stories! Thanks for the chuckle.

  7. I have sisters who crochet. I asked one of them if she could crochet me a covering for my ball cap. She did and it fit perfectly. It also made my head sweat it was so warm. If they can imagine it, they can crochet it. Yes, bless her heart.

  8. Whoa! Making the hats IS Nana’s therapy.

  9. Too Funny!! You used words to knit a great story. Everywhere I go I see animal face hats with tassles on the ties on adults and kids.

  10. Dare I ask? Can she make a heron hat? Or a hat for EB? Too cute!

  11. Wanda, I live in Alabama AND have kids! lol I have three boys. My about-to-be-13 (on Sun 18th) prolly is too “cool,” but the 9 and 7 would prolly like em. lol 9 likes eagles, 7 monkeys. Or should I not enable her addiction? lol

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