My friend Nana Kaye, the one who learned to crochet just over a year ago, has brought accosting into a whole new world.
Nana Kaye does not accost with perfume samples.
Or food samples.
Or solicitations for money.
Nana Kaye’s accosting things are hats.
She makes the hat and then turns it into an accosting item.
Nana Kaye has 3 daughters. Teenage daughters. Teenage daughters who won’t wear these hats.
But Nana Kaye loves to make the hats.
She has made them for nieces and nephews.
She has made them for the children of friends she was in high school with.
She has made them for the children of people she was in residence for one week with.
She has made them for friends of on-line friends.
She has searched her Facebook friend’s accounts to see who have children so she can make hats for them.
She has been through all her family, friends, enemies, and anyone who may have been born in the state of Alabama if they have children.
I told her she needed to seek therapy for this hat addiction.
Her reply is always the same, “ I just love them. Aren’t they cute?”
She asked me if I know of children who would love the hats.
I told her to give them to the homeless.
She asked me to ask my Facebook friends. All one thousand one hundred and sixty-seven of them.
My friends are writers. We had children but now they only exist in our stories. If we had children I would hide that fact from Nana Kaye.
She has been through her old yearbooks, her old drinking buddy list, the gals at the store where she purchases her diet cokes, the homeless shelter, the names on the back of yarn wrappers, and now has her children wearing the hats to school and handing out cards that say, “My mom can make a hat for you. Call 1-800-INeedToMakeHats.”
Hats are like crack to this lady. Have yarn, will make hats.
Thus far I have avoided giving her any names of friends who possibly have children. I fear for her sanity.
I also fear she may get arrested.
She lives only 1 mile from the largest mall in town.
It’s Christmas time.
Santa is at the mall.
Children go to see Santa.
I’ve heard through the rumor mill that the police are looking for some lady who is accosting shoppers asking them if they have children?
“Do you have children? Do they need hats? I can make hats for your children? Do you think they would like a frog?”
According to the police report they believe their suspect to be giving away free hats. They don’t know what the hats are made of or what may be in them. But they are suspicious.
If you see some crazy lady running toward children in the mall, hide. Then call me. If you hear her say,
“Got kids? Need a hat? I can make you a hat? They’re really cute?”
Call me fast.
Even though I taught Nana to crochet I accept no responsibility for her addiction, her accosting, or her bail.
I will however take her yarn and hook to the jail. After all, there are still millions of children without character hats on their heads.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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