I recently returned from the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. I know what you’re thinking – why Dayton. The University of Dayton is Erma’s Alma Mater. Could you think of a better and more fitting place to hold it? I didn’t think so.
I still haven’t unpacked.
I haven’t typed the notes from all the fantabulous sessions I attended. If I don’t do so soon they will expire and become unreadable.
I haven’t written anything about my adventure, but keep promising to do so.
There are a lot of things I haven’t done since my return home, but they don’t really bother me. The following questions do bother me, so if you have answers to them, please let me know. I am so lost in the land of confusion right now.
Why did I have to spend the first night in Dayton, Ohio in the Emergency Room? Sober?
Why do I still have money in my purse when there were so many good books to purchase and I had the opportunity to have them autographed? (Thanks Tracy Beckerman, Loretta LaRoche, Bill Scheft, and W. Bruce Cameron for signing the ones I did buy.)
Did I purchase one of Steve Doocy’s books? And if I did, did he autograph it for me and where is it?
If I didn’t buy one of Steve Doocy’s book, why didn’t I?
Why didn’t I drink more margaritas when I had every excuse to do so?
Why aren’t the people I met at the workshop on the e-mail list? Don’t they know it’s the craziest, most friendly, most informative e-mail list on the internet?
Where are my stockings? I don’t remember wearing them and I only let a few of my really close, just-met-them friends have the key to my room? Oh, and the manager of the Marriott. And the head of security. And E.B. Heron.
Where did this twenty dollars come from that is in my purse but not in my wallet?
Did I give my hot pink stilettos to Christopher Venckus? I can’t find them and couldn’t see his feet during his standup routine.
Why didn’t I drink more free wine at the dinners? Do you really think 4 or 5 glasses is too much?
Why do I have money in my purse when I haven’t been to the bank since I returned home?
Why can’t I remember the names of everyone I met at the workshop?
Why did I take a laptop with 17” screen to the workshop when all those other people had cute Netbooks and iPads or Apples?
Why didn’t I blog every evening when I got back to my room? Other people managed to even after all the wine at dinner and late night book signings.
Why did I lug that heavy laptop to the workshop when I didn’t use it? Except to check e-mails which I could have done on my Blackberry®.
How did the Pink Tiara Ladies get the name – The Dork Queens? We are obviously funny, fabulous, popular and not dorky at all.
Why do I have money in my purse?
If you are a humor writer and weren’t at the conference, where were you and why weren’t you there?
Why did the workshop end so soon? And why will it not happen again until 2012?
Please e-mail answers to me so I can enjoy the parts of the conference I obviously missed.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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