Tunnels on the roadway are frightening.
Scary in fact.
There are no tunnels where I drive on a daily basis. I thank God for this fact.
I live in Florida.
We tend to travel over things, not under them.
Florida is a state of sand, and water. No rocks to blast through to make tunnels. Just sand that caves in quite easily.
But that’s not the big factor in my thankfulness.
Florida has bad drivers just as most states do. But we also have idiot drivers. Mostly perpetuated by the news casts and weather service.
The thread of wind, rain, ice, and the rare blizzard make Florida drivers stupid. The events don’t have to happen, they just have to be used as threats and the already dumb drivers become even dumber.
If it’s unsafe to be on the road, you can bet that Bubba will load up the family and head to Wal-Mart.
Threat of hurricane? Let’s go to Wal-Mart.
Torrential rain? We are Wal-Mart bound.
No reason at all? We need to go to Wal-Mart.
Imagine what would happen if they had to drive through a tunnel with only two lanes going in the same direction, and had to do it on a daily basis.
I traveled to Mobile, Alabama this past weekend. Mobile is home of the closest tunnel. Drivers in that tunnel, even though it’s in another state, are as dumb or dumber than the drivers in Florida.
The road changes very little when it goes in to the tunnel.
Two lands become, um, two lanes.
Light? The tunnel has lights.
Speed limit? I don’t remember seeing a sign saying reduced speed ahead. Oh, except for that stupid flashing light when you go around a cure if you are heading east in to the tunnel.
There should be a sign that says “Tunnel Ahead. Beware of Stupid Drivers.”
Where once we were traveling at 70 mph, or 80 mph, we are slowed to 40 mph, or 35 mph.
Radios are turned down to make the trip through the tunnel safer.
Windows are rolled up to protect occupants of the vehicles from the deadly tunnel air.
Air conditioners are often turned on during the treacherous trip.
Headlights are turned on when entering the tunnel, to ward off vampire bats I suspect. Considering there is no on-coming traffic in the tunnel, the light thing makes me wonder even more. Headlights may or may not be turned off after exiting the tunnel.
Passing is strictly prohibited – by the other drivers. Should you manage this feat be prepared to pay with your hearing, your virgin eyes and ears, or your life, depending on who you pass.
I have no idea what happens to those adventurous souls who travel tunnels in convertibles. I’m afraid to think about it.
The rules are many and if you don’t tunnel travel on a daily basis you could miss one, especially if the tunnel rules change, which they are subject to do.
I have moles living in tunnels in my yard. They have no radios, headlights, windows, imaginary speed limits, or rules. They exist just fine traveling miles of tunnels on a daily basis.
I also know there are other creatures that live in tunnels, though I don’t want to think about them.
I also don’t want to think about the human tunnel travelers. They annoy me. They aggravate me. They generally piss me off with their stupidity and imaginary rules.
I’m staying in Florida where we choose to deal with bridges and traveling over things instead of under them. It seems safer that way.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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