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Divots. They Aren’t Just For Golf Anymore


I don’t play golf but I know what a divot is when I fall in one.

I have divots.

Divots with my butt involved.

Perhaps I have butt divots called cellulite but those are not the ones I speak of today.

I’m speaking of the divots in my office.

To be precise, in my chair mat. Under the chair I sit in. Daily. For hours at a time.
I may have been the heavy butt that sat in the chair that created the divots, but I have my doubts on that. Even if I did cause them, does that mean I should be destined to suffer with them on a daily basis?

I think not?

But daily, nay, hourly, these damn divots keep me from my appointed tasks.

Tasks that require me to operate my computer.

The computer that is on the desk.

The desk that can’t be reached without scooching the chair close.

The chair that can’t scooch any closer because it gets stuck in the divots.

The divots in the chair mat.

The strange thing about the chair mat divots is that there are only two that cause problems. Perhaps there are only two divots. I’ve never looked for more than that.

Two seemed to be sufficient to cause problems in my daily routine. Two divots from the front two wheels of my chair.

I don’t understand physics, or why a heavy butt for a few months can cause permanent problems in the life of an office worker.

I also don’t understand why I can’t get a new chair mat every time the divots reappear.

I get new clothes every time my weight changes. What’s the difference?

I personally believe that a new chair mat is more cost effective than the worker’s comp claims I am forced to file each time I get dumped out of said chair onto said heavy butt because of damn divots.

I have been dumped out of my chair more often than I care to count. I leave that to the claims adjusters.

I try to scooch toward my desk and the chair gets stuck in the divots. It then gets mad and deposits its contents, me, on the chair mat.

I am then forced to report the accident to myself, the HR Manger, and file a workman’s comp claim for a bruised butt. (I have yet to file for the bruised ego but I’m considering what that cost might be.)

I have also tripped in the mat divots on more than one occasion. Don’t ask. I wear heels and all things are possible when wearing heels.

More claims filed. I am beyond embarrassment now.

There is one upside to the chair mat divots. When I spill my Coke, which happens frequently, it tends to pool in the divots which makes for an easier clean up. No claims need be filed for this accident.

As of today I still have the chair mat with the divots. I haven’t been subjected to a divot dumping in almost a week now which means I haven’t had to file a claim.

I’m not sure how to completely destroy the mat so I can requisition a new one. I’m thinking a claim for an all expense paid, oooops, two week workman’s comp claim may be in order here. Either that or higher stilettos.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

7 comments

  1. Funny – and scary. Love the graphic and “all expense paid….” You dould try putting a little acid in your coke cup and “accidently” spill it.

    Perhaps the problem is the wheels on your chair. Have you checked to see if they have full tread? In any case accidents happening that often need to be reviewed and a solution found. Though, I must admit I’ve had some pretty nasty office chairs.

  2. Oh, yes, even though my “office job” is at home, the divots in my clear mat under my chair got so bad that I finally had to discard it. I mean, it is supposed to protect the carpet. How, I ask, can it protect anything if it is full of holes and ruts? And why, when I tossed it, did it leave all of those little chips of plastic hidden all over the office that keep showing up when I vaccuum? And no, I don’t wear heels anymore. In fact, I rarely wear shoes, especially in the summer. Perhaps I should check to see if my toenails need clipping?

  3. Aha! There are advantages to my ceramic tile floor. Love the graphics!

  4. Uh, have the janitor rotate the mat? Put bicycle tires on the office chair?
    Put tennis balls over the wheels of your chair? Replace with plywood? I know, put wheels on your desk, then you can just pull the desk to you.
    Sounds like a grant propsal in the making. I’m sure there’s federal money how there to study office/chair/butt-causing/divots. Be careful, this can’t be good for your back.

  5. Cloudchaser Sakonige

    As soon as I saw the title, I got that Genesis song in my head (not that I’m complaining)

  6. I think it would be out the window for said floor mat. Then someone outside can put in a claim for a broken windshield. Have you seen those things fly?

  7. Usually, plumbing supply houses have 4’X8′ sheets of thin metal.That might work,or you could just remove the mat,and put it back when you get out of your chair so no one will see the scratches on the floor,or you could visit a welding and metal supply store for a sheet of heavy duty 4×8 metal that will last for 100 years.
    You might be able to away with sitting o n one of those large beach balls that skinny girls use to exercise on on TV. I know it won’t support your back,but I bet it will make it stronger,or else make it hurt,but,I don’t know what would happen if you slide off the ball accidentally.
    I got it! A Hover Round would be perfect.You could zip all over the office then,even run down to the convenience store for Coke.

    Jay

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