Home / Life In The Land of Confusion / Thou Speakest Mush

Thou Speakest Mush

If someone, say a family member or even a complete stranger, asks you for something and you haven’t a clue just-google-itwhat they asked for, would you pretend you understand, or would you mock them and ask what until they speak English? Yeah me too.

Take this past weekend as an example.

I was asked, with all honesty, if I would like some condom balls.

Yup. Condom balls.

I was unable to answer for quite some time. This is the type question that requires pondering – a huge amount of pondering. It might even require some sleeping on the subject before one can answer.

Normally I reply without thinking. If it’s free, I’ll take it, even if I don’t know what it is. In this case, more information is needed. A lot more information.

I first had to figure out was this a serious question? If you are in possession of condom balls, and they are of any value at all, why would you offer them to someone else for free?

What exactly are condom balls? Don’t answer. I like the image in my mind too much for you to destroy it with the truth.

What would one do with condom balls? (Yes, I am that curious.)

Was this going to cost me money, embarrassment, an explanation, or all three?

I finally determine what the appropriate reply should be. It went something like are you serious followed by WTH are condom balls? The answer to these questions would help me determine if I would reply ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ to the offer.

What does one do when they are curious? Well, duh. They Google it. And I did.

Because this offer was made by my son and involved my granddaughter, who is 12, I knew there was more to the story. He also asked me if being smart makes a person dumb. Of course – and he should know that.

He was referring to the granddaughter who is uber smart, but lacks common sense. He said his job on this day involved watching her walk to ensure she did it properly. He then told me that it was said granddaughter, who asked for the condom balls. She said she had a stuffy nose and she really wanted cotton swabs.

I’m not sure I believe her. I do know that after Googling it, I found she may be smarter than he thinks she is. For Google informs me that there is a condom with balls. I won’t go in to all of the details or the benefits as listed, explained, and drawn out in graphic detail. Just know that the Scrotector is real. If you’re of the curious mind you too can Google it.


From the life and mind of: Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2013 All Rights Reserved










About Wanda Argersinger


  1. Hilarious!
    When I hear words like that I always blame it on my hearing loss, maybe it’s the speaker.
    ps: my parents described me just the way you described your granddaughter. Have faith, old age takes the edge off the smart. I remember that I used to be smart.

  2. One of your very best! Thanks for starting my day off with a reminder that others are as confused as I. And that last item mentioned, will we hear more about that later?

  3. Well you know I had to go google it…..hmmmm that’s about all I can say…the images produced were ummmm, let’s leave it at hmmmmm.

  4. my computer screen turned red and refused to allow me to google further. funny piece

  5. Speechless!

  6. Stuffy noses as well as inexperienced ears can mangle words and phrases. I know a young lady who, when she was but a child, lost her grandfather to the dreaded disease AIDS. She overheard adults talking about how AIDS was such a killer.

    She came to a sleepover my daughter was having. The wife fixed breakfast for the girls the next morning. They had bacon and sausage, eggs and waffles, milk and juices.

    The little girl said she wanted some of everything except eggs. She said, “You know you can die from eggs.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *