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To Pee Or Not To Pee

Have you ever been caught in a compromising position and didn’t have a clue how to get out of it gracefully? Yeah, me too.

Oh, wait! Not one of those compromising positions. I’m speaking potty here. What would you do if you were in a bathroom, at work with 40 other people, perched over the commode, mid-pee, the door began to rattle, and you realized that you once again had forgot to lock the door?

I haven’t a clue where my brain is when I head to the bathroom. Is it missing? Is it floating? Have I got to pee that bad? Or am I recently bent on becoming some kind of office exhibitionist?

I know of four times in the past month that I have gone in to the bathroom at work and forgotten to lock the door. Three times I was lucky and got away with forgetting. One time, well you get the picture. Thank God the door at least closes by itself or I would probably forget to do that too.

In my mind I have logical reasons for this.

I haven’t had children living at home in years. I don’t have to lock the bathroom door, or any door for that matter. I can roam freely about my home. I can shower with the doors not only unlocked, but open. I can pee without the fear of anyone pounding on the door wanting me for some emergency. I can even walk around nekkid if I feel so inclined. (I said if I feel inclined.)

My home is my place. Mine without boundaries unless I choose to set them. But work, well that’s another place all together.

I normally don’t choose to expose my white backside to people at the office. I like them more than that. Well, I like most of them more than that. I would hate to be the cause of their untimely demise for if they didn’t die of a heart attack from the view I would have to murder them to retain my dignity.

So just what exactly would you do?

  • Would you complete the task at …hmmm, hand?
  • Would you try to stop midstream (which is almost impossible) so you could dart to the door before it was fully opened? Don’t ask me how I know that this is almost impossible. I just know.
  • Would you grab the paper and try to cover as much as possible, if it were possible?
  • Would you squat lower and try to hide your nether regions?
  • Would you begin to bark and hope the person on the other side of the door ran in terror?
  • Would you smile and wave and watch the shocked face of the person while they try to get out as fast as they can, walking backwards and tripping over their feet?
  • Would you scream in terror?
  • Would you shout something stupid like “occupied” or “I’m in here you freaking idiot” as soon as you heard the door?

All good options I think. Few of which would save you and/or your dignity.

So what did I do, you wonder/ask/inquire? I continued doing what I had gone there to do, but did say “hi” to the intruder. I love when I can shock people, and after all, possession is 9/10 of the law.

Just FYI: I check twice now after entering the bathroom. Just to be sure.

 

 

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

7 comments

  1. Wanda, you just have to worry about co-workers…but my dog is a completely different matter! Joanie

  2. I’d just yell, “Sorry, but can you wait just a minute please?” (See? I’d even try to be polite!)
    I had a weird experience in a public bathroom last week. It was in a restaurant. Yes, I had locked the door, but when I sat down on the stool I looked up and there–in lifesize living color–was way more staring back at me than I ever wanted to see. Some idiot had put a full length mirror right opposite the toilet!!!! Next time I think I’ll try to hold it!
    Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author

  3. I’ say, (Ya’ll come on in in. I was just thinking about you.”

  4. That’s my next invention. A full sized sign that folds up like an umbrella. You carry it with you to the bathroom and point it at the “intruder” and push the button. Out pops a life size sign “Come back later” or maybe your blogg or web site, or advertisement for your book.

  5. I think shouting out something like, “Ah, a verifier. I need to ensure my pee color is right. Can you help?”
    or
    “Come on in, let’s make this a party pee”

  6. Funny!! Love the imagery.
    So far I’ve been lucky enough to be able to grab the door as it begins to open.

    And, Ron’s verifier – bold and horrifying. 🙂

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