(Yes, that is the right word)
What do you think lives in your dryer? Yeah, me too.
Not so my friend Velma.
According to Velma, her dryer is doing things that a normal dryer just shouldn’t be doing.
Velma puts the clothes in to dry and they come out wrinkled, or de-permanent pressed, or lighter.
That may not sound like such a big thing, but when you hear Velma say it, you would begin to question your own dryer.
“No one wants to be seen at the grocery store in wrinkled clothes.” A keen observer that Velma.
Velma goes to the store and looks closely at other people to see if they are wearing clothes with wrinkles. She can’t imagine anyone even going to the corner Jr. Store in wrinkled clothes. She obviously has a higher class of people in her Jr. Stores than I do in the stores near me.
Velma never mentions the fact that some people actually iron or press their clothes before wearing them. Or that some clothes come out of the dryer wrinkled no matter what type dryer you have. These facts don’t exist in Velma’s world.
If the clothes continue to get lighter after each run through the dryer, won’t they will eventually weigh nothing and cease to exist?
In Velma’s words, “I recently had an episode.”
That does not mean she got to be on some television show. It does not mean she blacked out or that she had some sort of seizure, or even low blood sugar. It means she had a mental break. But she’s getting better now.
She knows she is on the road to healing because she is lucid. She can speak using complete sentences. She makes sense. After all, she is telling me her tales of woe about her dryer. Velma herself told me this so it must be the truth, or at least her truth.
But back to that damn dryer.
During the course of our conversation, if you can call it that, Velma told me how her dryer is removing fabric from her clothes. She swears that each time they come out of the dryer they are lighter and she doesn’t mean the color has faded. She means lighter as in weight.
Why just look at all the lint she removes each day from the lint trap. This is evidence to Velma of the underhandedness (does that word work for a dryer) of her dryer.
Her husband offered to put up some lines outside so Velma can use the free Florida solar dryers.
Velma can’t hang her clothes on the line to dry. Either the birds would crap on them or the shoulders of the shirts would get divots (Her word, not mine. Isn’t that a golf term?).
Velma has asked her husband if she could have the repairman come and check the dryer. He saw no reason to pay for a repairman to come check a dryer that is working just fine. He also doesn’t notice the wrinkles or the lighter clothes.
The washer and dryer she has are 17 years old. Did you know that the normal life of a washer and dryer is only 14 years, depending on how you care for them? After that they become possessed demanding retirement by de-permanent pressing clothes, removing fabric, and refusing to remove wrinkles.
Velma called the manufacturer of the washer and dryer to inquire about some fuse that is supposed to exist in the dryer. She thinks maybe the fuse could be the root of all the dryer’s evilness. The manufacturer said they would check on that and get back to her.
In the meantime Velma is left with wrinkled clothes, de-permanent pressed clothes and clothes that weigh less and less each day. Oh yeah, she is also left with one more person who thinks her episode continues.
The last I heard of Velma, her husband, and the dryer was the husband left, perhaps spooked by something in the house. They dryer was still removing fabric from the clothes it dries and Velma is still on the mend.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2010 All Rights Reserved