My good friend Dawn’s good friend Robin posed a question the other day that we are all dying to know the answer to. Though I don’t have the answer, after much pondering, remembering, posturing, gesturing, investigating and a few other ings that I can’t remember, I do have some much needed information that may finally lead to the answer to the question of the “one shoe wonders” seen on the roads throughout our great country.
I have traveled to other countries and I can say without fear that it is indeed unique to our country. Or as far as I remember it is. I have traveled Italy and they would never discard just one show, two perhaps in a fit of rage or drunken stupor, or to dance in the fountains, but never just one shoe.
I have also traveled in France, same thing there but add in a bit of snobbery and the fact that they rarely dance barefoot in the street or anywhere else for that matter. They too, don’t lose shoes, singly or in pairs.
I have spent some time in the Middle East, Egypt to be specific. If for some reason one shoe were discarded, it would so be claimed by an already “one shoed person”, the new shoe would soon become the long lost brother of a pair and would be at its new home post haste. But then, I could have been so amazed and in awe of the other sites in these other countries that a “lone shoe wonder” would not have made an impact on me.
I did ask my DIL about her home country of Mexico. Never she said. Never would you see one lone shoe be found on the side of the road. You may however see some zapato hang itself from the overheard wires, and on occasion see a set of zapatos hung on the wires, but never left tragically on the side of the road.
All more information for my theory about “one shoe wonders”.
As for the new information recently noted: I am quite sure that this “one shoe wonder” business is male generated.
I cannot say that I have ever seen a lone high heel on the side of the road missing its mate. I have asked my female friends, coworkers and even an enemy or two. They all concur, an emphatic NO. None of them has ever seen a long female shoe on the side of the road.
There might be a few reasons that “one shoe wonders” never involve female shoes.
1) Most females regard their shoes with more care than they do their cars, their dogs, their children, and sometimes even their mates
2) The reason for number one in this list is that their shoes cost more than these other things, sometimes more than these other things combined
3) A good fitting and good looking pair of heels can lead to the best of all things mentioned in number one
4) Any woman worth her hormones, would return for a lost heel at all costs. (I once had my DH cross 6 lanes of traffic in Baltimore to retrieve a pair of shoes that made an escape down a freeway off ramp. Hey, it was the only pair of taupe heels I have every found to fit my feet. Don’t ask how they escaped. The children have already been severely punished and the thought of the incident, even 30 years after the fact, remain traumatic to them.)
5) If a woman lost 1 shoe and did not in her insanity retrieve it, she would forever walk in circles
6) As for men there is ‘one’ reason they lose their shoes: they ended up in the ditch and the shoe left them.
Reasons for being in the ditch vary but the theme is still the same:
- i. They were running because they were skeert (Skeert comes in many forms)
- Skeert of the law
- Skeert of Bubba
- Skeert of Bubba’s wife
- Skeert coz he didn’t have no license
- Skeert coz he’s on probabtion
- Skeerter coz he’s on parole
- Even more skeerter coz he’s on parole and holding ( and he doesn’t mean his urine at this point)
- Skeert cause they were so drunk they were afraid to go home
- Skeert because they weren’t drunk enough to go home
- ii. They landed in the ditch and it felt too good to get up. When they did get up one shoe was missing
- iii. They were blown in to the ditch by the biggest, bad ass mean sumbitch truck driver you have ever seen (which happened to by my grandmother in her station wagon on her way to church services)
- iv. It’s easier to explain one missing shoe than one missing night
- v. They don’t notice they are only wearing one shoe.
- vi. The only absolutely plausible, believable and acceptable reason to take a man at his word as to why he lost only one shoe, he ride a Harley and that toe draggin macho thing got the best of the boot and “it plum worn off” (if you want to believe something this really is your best choice)
Now I understand that none of these individual pieces of information cover any and all lost shoes, but from my extensive research it covers 89.47% of “one shoe wonders.” The rest of the lone shoes seen on the side of the road are attempting to start a fad or rebellion. I am leaning towards the fact that it is working. I’ve given enough thought and paper to “one shoe wonders”. On to something equally important like suspicious spots, maladjusted mallards, and the sex life of one “homale bird”.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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