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Blue Green Monsters

I didn’t order it. I don’t want it. It’s under some kind of contract that apparently can’t be broken and I can’t get them to take it away.

My office is ½ of a duplex office. When we first moved in neither business generated enough trash to warrant individual dumpsters, so we economized and decided to share one dumpster and split the cost. After a couple years my duplex office mate decided to go green and got a dumpster for recycling. I didn’t know anything about it. It showed up on my bill. I didn’t order it. I don’t have anything to be green with. I work for a non-profit and we recycle everything by using it four or five times.

Empty boxes are reused for mailings. Paper with printing on one side is reused for taking notes or printing samples. We bring our own drinks usually in Styrofoam cups from some fast food place. We don’t get magazines because we can’t afford them. We don’t get the newspaper for the same reason. We write on envelopes, have the original paper clips we began with 27 years ago and write with pencils that saw their usefulness slide away before dinosaurs became extinct.

We were somewhat oblivious to the second big blue green monster in the parking lot until it showed up on our bill costing us huge sums of money we don’t have and can’t afford for something we didn’t order.

We called to find out what it was, why it was here and were told that we ordered it. We didn’t. We finally got them to look at the paperwork and discovered that the blue green monster was ordered and signed for by our office mates, but it was billed to us. That was three years ago and it’s still in the parking lot. We simply paid the bill and then invoiced our office mate for being green.

That arrangement worked fine until our office mate moved to a new location. The now non-office mate called to have the blue green monster delivered to their new location along with a regular dumpster for trash. They were delivered. They got a brand new blue green monster. We got to keep ours. The one we don’t need, didn’t order and don’t want.

My assistant called to have the error rectified. She was told that the person she was talking to could not handle that. We would need to speak to some man who would call us back.

He did.

I was told that the blue green monster was under contract and could not be moved. I explained that it was not under contract to us. He said if he could see the original paperwork he could show us that we had signed the contract for the blue green monster. He was calling from a cell phone and did not currently have access to whatever paper he was referring to. I said he could not show me any of their paper work with my signature or the signature of my assistant agreeing to house and pay for the blue green monster. He said he couldn’t handle it and would have to speak with some supervisor, or director, or blue green monster slayer. I said fine, look at the paper work and have the blue green monster supervisor contact me.

The blue green monster is still in my parking lot. It is still under contract to someone. It is still being billed to me. I don’t use it. I don’t want it. I can’t get rid of it.

In the mail today I received the monthly bill for the dumpster we use to put our trash in. I was also billed for the blue green monster that I have been trying to get rid of for weeks, nay years. I suspect if I just stop paying for it they will come and take it away. I suspect they will  also take away number one blue dumpster where we put our trash.

If you have any need for a blue green monster that eats recyclable stuff. Call me. I have one for sale – cheap. Delivery not included.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

©2009 All Rights Reserved


About Wanda Argersinger


  1. How long is the contract? Hopefully it’s not lifelong. If the dumpster company won’t rewrite the contract, continue to send the bill to your ex-officemate along with a check for your half of the first dumpster, it is their signature on the ‘contract’.

  2. I’d go for refusing to pay the bill and figure out an alternative for the trash! Of course, I’ve heard they have these yellow-orange monsters that eat the Blue-green ones, you might check into that 🙂

  3. I would not pay another penny on it! I would tell them to come get their box off my property. If you use extreme amounts of profanity in adjectives describing his wife and mother he will know you mean business.

  4. C an you spray paint “Protected by First National Bank? Given the state of the economy of late, I’m sure it will be gone in no time.

  5. How about cutting it into little pieces and put it in the regular dumpster. Then call the trash company and tell them it was stolen and to remove the charges from your bill.

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