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No, Butts (Buts…)

If you see something and it simply looks wrong, do you point out its inadequacies, or do you let it go? Yeah, me too.

I am an OOL, an observer of life. As such, I often see things that those who simply pass through life are oblivious too. Either that or I look for the strange.

I was beginning to hate all those stupid ads on FaceBook. Every time I look at something on the internet it shows up as soon as I go back to FaceBook. You would think they are spying on me or something.

But this time, I swear it wasn’t me. It was them.

I didn’t go looking at furniture. I have enough of that stuff and I would never buy it online anyway. I have to sit on it. Lie on it. Feel the texture. Be sure it fits my body. Ninety-nine percent of the furniture sold today is made for people of average height, which I am not one of.

I am average in most other ways. Except for the boobs that are too big and the butt that lacks curves, muscle, and padding. But even my butt would not fit on the furniture I witnessed yesterday.

While I was wasting time, um, I mean researching for my next book, I saw an advertisement for furniture from some online store. The premise of the ad was to Design Your Own Dream Home.

Trust me on this. If I were a designer, which I am not, this crap would not be what I designed. Well, I might if I didn’t want anyone to use the furniture. I’m including a photo here so you can judge for yourself. no ass

Notice the settee, couch, bench, art d’object on the right. Tell me honestly if you could sit on it for more than two seconds.

Right. Me too.

And no. The strange shape is not due to resizing of the photo. That’s the way it looked in the original ad placed on FaceBook.

Even as someone with no butt cheeks, it would never work.

Just the lower part of my body that appears when I bend at the knees wouldn’t fit on that thing.

And what do you call that thing? A pillow sofa? A bench for stuffed fabric squares?

The ad also used the word ‘curated’ after the word community. Curated means ‘put together’ or selected for presentation. Who were the members of this community – no butters? Buttless artisans?

The advertisers offer this as a solution. For what I might ask? It wouldn’t even hold the flower pots on my front porch. It would however be a tasty snack for some termites, albeit a bit expensive.

I’m glad I’m not the person responsible for this ad, for the design of the tragic piece of furniture, or for the people who purchase it. I simply hope if it sells that it sells to a paper doll family. They would be the only ones thin enough to sit on the bench.

From the life and mind of Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2015 All Rights Reserved



About Wanda Argersinger

One comment

  1. That tragic furniture (love that term. Describes everything in my apartment right after college) wouldn’t work for me either, Wanda! No ifs, ands or butts!

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