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I Am Not Going To Be Here Yesterday

As such, and not being here, I am not responsible for anything I do yesterday, any messes I may create or any lack of judgment I display. Any and all things that can normally be blamed on me, can’t, because I’m not going to be here.

Any words I utter yesterday, you will not hear. Any thoughts I have while not here did not come from me. All work performed by me while I am not here shall be considered un-done or not done as the case may be.

While not driving to work yesterday, if I happen to exceed the speed limit, no tickets will be allowed, because I was not driving. If you get angry because I am not in front of you and you blow your horn or make some gesture at me, I will not hear you nor will I see you. Your efforts will have been in vain, just wasted energy.

Any and all foods and beverages I may consume while I am not here don’t count. They have no caloric value, no cholesterol, no caffeine, or any other thing that may be bad for my health. I am not going to be here, so by default, their values become nil. A non point.

Anything I may purchase while I am not here yesterday has no value and therefore cannot cost anything and certainly cannot show up as a charge on any of my credit cards.

If you bring me bad news while I am not here yesterday, please forget it. I am not going to be here for a reason. Your bad news may be just one of many reasons I have decided to not be here.

If the phone rings yesterday while I am not here, I will, in all probability, not answer it. I also will not reply to emails. I will not post on my Facebook, Twitter, or any other social networking site. How can I be expected to do that if I am not here yesterday?

I will not be writing yesterday, nor will I be found reading any books. I will not be gardening, or paying bills, or cleaning, or cooking. Being not here, does after all, have quite a few advantages.

I will not be available via cell phone, e-mail, text, or any other electronic device. I don’t believe that the current range of these devices allows you to communicate with yesterday. But that doesn’t matter, I won’t be here yesterday anyway. Once again, it’s all a moot point.

By virtue of the fact that I will not be here yesterday, any and all meetings I might be required to attend, will have to be cancelled or rescheduled to today, or some other day after yesterday. Any project or bill with a deadline of yesterday will go uncompleted or unpaid. No apologies from me for either of these things. I did not overlook the, I simply will not be here yesterday.

My reason for not being here yesterday has nothing to do with yesterday being a bad day. It has more to do with today, tomorrow and the future. I have so much on my To Do List I will never be able to accomplish everything, or even the important things, or simply the things I want to accomplish. Knowing this, I have come to realize that a vacation is not in my future. The only way I will ever taste the freedom from tasks and chores and work, also known as a vacation, is to return to the past. So I will be on vacation yesterday. I hope you don’t miss me.

Wanda M. Argersinger, Author, Writer, Speaker, OOL
All Rights Reserved 2009

About Wanda Argersinger

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