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Curses – Wet Again!

I am trying to figure out this chromosome thing, so any help from anyone out there would be greatly appreciated. Don’t worry, I have the XY = male and XX = female thing down pat. It’s the TP chromosome thing I can’t make heads or tails of. The norm, if there is such a thing, is XY-TP = male and XX + TP = female. But can you tell me what a Y – TP equals? Some men (very few actually) were lucky enough to get the TP gene. In theory most women have it, but once again I am seeing, on a daily basis, that this theory can easily be proven wrong. I can actually understand the lack of this gene in men. They never have to stand with their wet nether regions flapping in the wind hoping for a tropical storm to blow in to dry them before covering them with cotton. Women on the other hand, come on ladies, who wants to walk around with a wet butt or worse, wet panties?
Is it a lottery or toss-up game that determines who gets the TP gene? I’m hoping for something like that rather than a choice these women make. (Men are excused from further discussion in this blog due to their anatomy and lack of requirements in this area.)

I work in an office with 12 women, 10 of whom were not present when the TP gene was passed out. On more than one occasion I have ventured in to the ladies room to take care of necessities and found myself sans the required necessaries to take care of my necessities. I don’t know why all 10 of you cannot figure out that contrary to the cute bathroom bear on the television, 3 squares is not enough TP to dry a hiney. Maybe yours, but me and mine are high maintenance and require at least 6 squares and more likely 12 squares or more, depending on the thickness of the paper.

Do you women think (this sentence should stop here) that this is not your job. Or perhaps you believe that along with The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus that there is also a TP Fairy who flies around refilling the empty TP gizmos when necessary? Let me state, for the record, that you are wrong in these assumptions.

In this particular bathroom, the TP holder is directly across from the door. Visible. Accessible. Noticeable. And a bunch of other words I can’t think of right now. And more than that, when the white paper is gone there is a brown roll staring you in the face. Brown cardboard is no help when your hiney is wet. It’s not even any good for beating the person who didn’t replace the brown cardboard with white paper.

It’s actually not that difficult to put a roll of paper on the paper holding gizmo. Rip the brown cardboard off. Pull the gizmo out of its slot. Put a new roll on. Replace gizmo. If that’s too much to understand and accomplish, you could at least place a new roll of paper on top of the gizmo, which would make it an easy reach for those in need of the paper. It is never ok to leave your fellow workmates to fend for themselves when they are faced with brown cardboard and a wet hiney.

For anyone who really cares. I will personally be holding training sessions on this at 10:00 a.m. on September 31st. This will be paid time, so please attend. If you can’t attend and still refuse to have pity on those who follow you in to the ladies room, all I can say is I wish you a bathroom free of TP, a houseful of people lacking the TP gene, 47 years of wet hinies, wet panties, and diaper rash. (FYI, don’t use Desitin ointment, at your age it dries in the wrinkles and folds and takes a scrub brush to remove.)

About Wanda Argersinger

One comment

  1. Shock therapy or a siren going off at the pull of the last square may be a good reminder for those missing this gene….this is hilarious!

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