Stuck Like Glue

When did it change?

This teenager / adult thing I mean.

We had a party at my house this past Saturday.

The partiers came in ages from 21 months to some in their sixties.

Don’t ask who acted more like a child. It was a toss-up.

The thing that I couldn’t understand was the attachment of the teenagers to the adults @$$=S.

There was a pool to swim in. There was a huge den that was dark and had a BIG screen tv complete with more channels than they could ever watch. There was food of the variety that teenagers live on – outside. All of these places were minus the adults.

The adult females planned on sitting in the living room, crocheting and talking. It was supposed to be quiet in the living room. It was supposed to be occupied with only female adults wielding crochet hooks.

It wasn’t.

The adult females figured the men would be outside bragging, cooking, drinking, scratching, and acting like men.

Didn’t happen.

Wherever the females congregated the men followed. They didn’t engage in conversation with the women. They didn’t even sit with the women. They stood around bragging loudly about whatever, scratching and rearranging, and gossiping about those who were not at the party.

The women tried to ignore them.

When the females sat down to do whatever, the teenagers sat as close to them as they could get.

We tried to get the teenagers to leave.

No go.

We tried to pry them loose with temptations of dark rooms, no adults, food and beverages.

They weren’t budging.

We threatened them with hemorrhoid grease applications to our arses so they couldn’t stick.

Ha ha. They could have cared less.

We threatened them with hemorrhoid ointment applications to their heads.

They laughed.

One teenager even laid down on the couch and put her head in her mother’s lap like a baby.

Poor thing.

The younger children, who we thought would be the problem, were in the pool. We only heard from them when we dragged them out later in the day.

When I was a teenager we would rather been seen with a giant zit on our face than we caught with our parents? We wanted to be alone, not stuck to our parent’s @$$=$.

So what has happened in the past thirty or so years?

Don’t teenagers still think all adults are stupid?

Don’t teenagers still try to sneak away from adults to do whatever it is teenagers do these days?

Is the new “in thing” teenagers keeping tabs on the adults to make sure they toe the line?

Are the teenagers afraid the adults might have sex?

Or is there some other mysterious reason for the new teenage hemorrhoid attachment?

Clue me in or I’m going to invest in Preparation H stock.

I’ve dealt with too many pains in my ass to now have to deal with teenage hemorrhoids.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved

About Wanda Argersinger


  1. I’ve been wondering the same thing. The cord’s been cut. However, when faced with Uncle Harry’s dentures and he says things like “This will happen to you if you don’t keep your teeth clean and floss,” it’s worse than starring in a horror movie, so Mom’s lap looks really good 🙂 If you go outside, the adults might be in there deciding your destiny and messing with Kool-Aid.

  2. Wanda! It’s true! My daughter does this and it drives me flippin battyy! Not like she wants to sit by me to express her love, no. She sits there moping and complaining to me! Uggghhhh!

  3. Strange party indeed. My thought is that the men hung around their wives so they could hopefully impress someone else’s wife with all their bravado. And the teenagers all hung around close either so they could learn how to impress the other sex or because they were terrified of the possibility that they might have to try to impress each other all on their own. Then again, there’s this tiny hope that they might be hanging around in order to learn what NOT to do. hahaha

  4. Next time have watermelon for the men to dribble all over their chins.Don’t buy the seedless kind then they will have to stay outside.

  5. It’s all because of the 70’s. Kids got programmed and relegated to supervised activities only. No backyard baseball…must have rules, umpires, uniforms, schedules, and parents wearing shirts that say “Cayden’s Mom”, “Cayden’s Dad”, “Cayden’s Little Sis”, “Cayden’s little Bro”, “Cayden’s Twin”

  6. I like Jay’s response. But, add to that a watermelon seed spitting contest. It’ll get everyone outside.

    Back in the 80s my son acted like the rest of us were out to crash his cool. The girls stuck close.

    These days. who knows?

  7. I’ve noticed that too. However, if you make them the topic of conversation and start to question them about school, boyfriends, weekend activities they suddenly remember something else they have to do!

  8. Aargh! After all my years of teaching high schoolers, that would be reason to kill. By the time I made it home, I didn’t even want to see anyone under the age of thirty. It’s a strange world, after all…

  9. LOL!!!! Hemorhoid cream! I can’t imagine why the men and teenagers would act like that. At our parties the women are trying to keep close tabs on the men so that our husbands will remember that they have wives, and the teenagers are seeking out dark closets and our medicine cabinets.

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