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Rules For Your Safety


Welcome to my life.

During your ride you will learn many fantastic things.

You will laugh, and wonder in amazement.

You will see, hear and experience things foreign to you.

But, as with all rides into a new place there are a few rules you must follow for your safety.

1. If you ask me to do something, I will do it – without reminders from you; without questions from you regarding the status of whatever it is; without you stepping in to do it or to offer help. I am competent.

2. If you don’t want to know what I’m thinking, don’t ask.

3. Detours probable. Go with the flow.

4. Yes, I do need this Coca Cola and I need it now and often.

5. We will be traveling at my pace and on my time schedule. No apologies for turning in early or staying up all night. It’s part of the fun. No refunds for those who miss the ride.

6. Yes, I do normally say whatever it is that pops into my head. If you are easily offended, exit to the left, NOW.

7. Anything you say can and will be used in one of my writings. Accept it. Life is funny and what you say is often funnier than my life.

8. Yes, I often forget what I was thinking, but I make up new things just as quickly and they are probably funnier anyway.

9. Creative messiness is part of the fun. OCD people will feel discomfort and an uncontrollable need to restore order. STOP. It is a waste of your time and can be undone in much less time.

10. WARNING: Writer at work. This life pauses while I write. No advance warning provided. Get used to it.

11. Pack a lunch. There is no telling when the next pause will occur.

12. Ooooohs and aaaaaahs are not welcome. They are expected.

13. Orange moons, witches eyes, and puppies are cute. This ride stops for cute.

14. Many emotions will be experienced. If they aren’t happy ones, keep them to yourself. I’m a humor writer.

15. Do not argue with me. I am always semi-right. Those parts where I may not be right, don’t exist.

16. A sharp tongue and sharp wit go hand in hand. Be careful lest you get hurt by one of them.

17. If I think it’s funny, then it’s funny. Laugh dammit!

18. Life isn’t fair, but the fare for this ride is becoming a fan of my writing.

19. If you find anything strange on the ride, I probably lost it. Keep it though. I probably don’t remember that it was mine in the first place.

20. Take notes. Brilliant ideas are fleeting as are most things in life.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

10 comments

  1. Yippee!!!!!! I love the ride.

  2. Ah, but rules are made to be broken, are they not? But, to add a touch of credence to this list, I did hear a great speech at Toastmasters this morning titled: “Shut up and Listen”.

  3. Love your ride! Especially no. 17. My fave! *gives you can of Coke.”

  4. although OCD, I don’t have the need to clean up after creative people. It’s all I’ve got (time and energy) to keep my stuff straight. (including re-writing grocery lists) LOL.
    Would never dream of organizing you! But I love the ride…..

  5. I loved this. I simply had to share it. I wish I could think of things like that. There’s no one like you. Thanks for the morning giggle.

  6. Fantastic! Who knew there were rules? I’ve been riding the waves free style. I’m going to share this too.

  7. Note book in hand. I love it!

  8. Forget the coke and pass the Pepsi.

  9. Just thought I would add a few to your list that I have learned from you.
    20. No bystanders! Ride or get off.
    21. Laugh or pretend to laugh…loudly and often.
    22. Share the fun. Laughter spoils if bottled up.
    23. Humor is good exercise for the liver.
    24. If in doubt, depressed, sad, re-read and this time with your glasses on.
    25. Wanda is her name, funny is her game. Join the party.
    26. A bird in hand, or on the table, makes many friends.

  10. I LOVE this, Wanda. It is brilliant. I am printing out and posting on my wall. I hope you don’t mind me stealin’ Will

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