McHeating Pad

I hurt in places I didn’t know you could hurt in.

No. I’ve not been exercising.

I’ve been cheating.

Well, sort of cheating.

Instead of spending my time away from the paying job writing the next great American humor story, I’ve been crocheting.

Crocheting a lot.

I learned to crochet over 50 years ago but my desire to crochet comes and goes.

After 8 years of CA (crocheter’s anonymous) I had kept it at bay until Nana Kaye asked me to teach her this art.

Teaching was followed by chaperoning her on trips to the yarn store. (Yes that is like asking an alcoholic to chaperone a newbie drinker to the liquor store but hey, she’s my friend.)

Two rooms of my house are now uninhabitable unless you are knitting needles or crochet hooks.

The more I taught Nana Kaye the more she wanted to learn – and she did.

Scarves. Hats. Ponchos. Blankets. Scrunchies. Baby dresses. Teddy Bear dresses.

Her new found knowledge required not only rooms full of yarn but also books full of patterns. Every time we discovered one she wanted to try, we discovered five or six patterns that I needed to try.

And I did and did and did and did.

Crocheting requires the use of various fingers depending on how you hold your hook and yarn. Apparently I use the thumb on my right hand.

A lot.

I noticed yesterday my right thumb was a bit sore and swollen. I attributed it to an automobile accident my friend had 20 years ago in which she tried to drive off with my thumb slammed in her car door. The pain in the thumb appears every now and then to remind me to keep my fingers out of dangerous places.

When I awoke this morning the thumb did not want to move. Even creative swearing could only coax it so far.

I knew the remedy for the swelling and pain was to immobilize the thumb and apply heat. I was driving to work when this revelation hit me.

I turned my car in the direction of the closest McDonalds, one of the few places open at 4:30 a.m.

I ordered a breakfast meal that comes with flat, hot potatoes.

As soon as the bag was thrown at me I removed the potatoes that came with a caution regarding their temperature and held them in my hand so that my thumb could benefit from the heat.

Ohhhhh the heat felt good.

Ohhhhh the potatoes smelled better.

I took a bite and returned the McHeating pad to my hand.

It felt even better the second time I held the potatoes against my swollen thumb.

I moved it so the heat would be on the top of the thumb.

I moved it so the heat would be on the bottom of the thumb.

I might not be able to immobilize the thumb but I could reduce the swelling with heat.

For a minute. Or until I succumbed to that hot cardboard taste.

I had a second bite then moved the McHeating pad back against the thumb.

It felt as good as it did the first time and the second time.

Just one more bite. Or two. Or three.

I’m at work now trying to type without the use of the thumb on my right hand.

I still have no immobilization for my thumb.

I also have no more McHeating pad to put on my thumb.

I ate it.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

11 comments

  1. Now that’s a creative use for hash browns. My only question… how did you learn to crochet while only an infant?

  2. Love it! I had the exact same thing happen to me with knitting – but I can’t stop! What IS it with those crafty things? I use it primarily as a writing avoidance strategy…and I get addicted to the repetitive motions even though a. I am not very good as my attention wanders and all is lost and b. my dog has sworn death to all knitting projects as they mean less time with him, so he routinely undoes them.

  3. Ah yes, mickey d’s. I go for the pancakes. I can well understand the yarn store problem. For me it’s beads. I don’t need pattern books as I design my own.

  4. Loved it!!! My favorite line was when your friend tried to drive away with your thumb stuck in her car door. It reminds you to keep it out of dangerous places. LOL!!!!! Great work.

  5. Ah, yes, I can so relate. I taught myself to crochet (at my mother’s insistence) many years ago by buying a kids’ instruction book. Then we had a blizzard, so I figured it was the perfect time to try to put the yarn and needles to use for the afghan I planned to do. I worked on it–ad arthritis-effect. After hours of crocheting, in the morning I could not pry my fingers open. Ivan asked me how I held my crochet hook and it fit in there perfectly. Since it was still blizzarding outside, I figured I might as well keep at it. I finished the whole afghan in less than a week. I still have it. It’s on the back of my sofa. A lot of people comment on it. And I still get a kink in my hand when I look at it! Never thought of a McDonald’s heating pad, but they were probably closed due to the blizzard anyway.

  6. Only you could make pain sound funny!!! I thought I was creative, but edible heating pads–that’s a new one!!!! Hope the thumb is better. In the meantime, maybe you better stock up on those portable, edible heating pads!!

  7. Hmm. I say, get a little thumb sized heating pad and feel free to stoke up on Hash Browns at Mickey D’s whenever the mood strikes you. God, I love those things. Specially with ketchup.

  8. So funny! And, so true. Crafting is an addiction. Currently I’m into cross-stitch and needlepoint. Love your thumb heating pad. I’ll have to get one. Yum!

  9. So I guess thumb wrestling is out of the question. haha

  10. Boy oh boy. I deep friend a lot of those heating pads when I was McWorker at 17.
    You nutbar. Do I need to buy you one of those microwave heating pad thingers? Do I?

  11. Ha, Ha, Ha. Those darn delicious hash brown’s will do the trick every time. But Wanda, the key is to order two orders of ’em.
    I may not crochet, heck I can barely spell the word- but Micky D’s is universal.

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