No. I’ve not been exercising.
I’ve been cheating.
Well, sort of cheating.
Instead of spending my time away from the paying job writing the next great American humor story, I’ve been crocheting.
Crocheting a lot.
I learned to crochet over 50 years ago but my desire to crochet comes and goes.
After 8 years of CA (crocheter’s anonymous) I had kept it at bay until Nana Kaye asked me to teach her this art.
Teaching was followed by chaperoning her on trips to the yarn store. (Yes that is like asking an alcoholic to chaperone a newbie drinker to the liquor store but hey, she’s my friend.)
Two rooms of my house are now uninhabitable unless you are knitting needles or crochet hooks.
The more I taught Nana Kaye the more she wanted to learn – and she did.
Scarves. Hats. Ponchos. Blankets. Scrunchies. Baby dresses. Teddy Bear dresses.
Her new found knowledge required not only rooms full of yarn but also books full of patterns. Every time we discovered one she wanted to try, we discovered five or six patterns that I needed to try.
And I did and did and did and did.
Crocheting requires the use of various fingers depending on how you hold your hook and yarn. Apparently I use the thumb on my right hand.
I noticed yesterday my right thumb was a bit sore and swollen. I attributed it to an automobile accident my friend had 20 years ago in which she tried to drive off with my thumb slammed in her car door. The pain in the thumb appears every now and then to remind me to keep my fingers out of dangerous places.
When I awoke this morning the thumb did not want to move. Even creative swearing could only coax it so far.
I knew the remedy for the swelling and pain was to immobilize the thumb and apply heat. I was driving to work when this revelation hit me.
I turned my car in the direction of the closest McDonalds, one of the few places open at 4:30 a.m.
I ordered a breakfast meal that comes with flat, hot potatoes.
As soon as the bag was thrown at me I removed the potatoes that came with a caution regarding their temperature and held them in my hand so that my thumb could benefit from the heat.
Ohhhhh the potatoes smelled better.
I took a bite and returned the McHeating pad to my hand.
It felt even better the second time I held the potatoes against my swollen thumb.
I moved it so the heat would be on the top of the thumb.
I moved it so the heat would be on the bottom of the thumb.
I might not be able to immobilize the thumb but I could reduce the swelling with heat.
For a minute. Or until I succumbed to that hot cardboard taste.
I had a second bite then moved the McHeating pad back against the thumb.
It felt as good as it did the first time and the second time.
Just one more bite. Or two. Or three.
I’m at work now trying to type without the use of the thumb on my right hand.
I still have no immobilization for my thumb.
I also have no more McHeating pad to put on my thumb.
I ate it.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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