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Kudos, Crapola, and A Whole Lot of Garbage

WARNING: If you are extremely sensitive or see yourself in make-believe personalities that are a combination of the worst on these lists, then read no further. The individual portrayed below is not one person, but the worst traits of many. I offer it as amusement on the arrogance writer’s exhibit when they no longer believe they can learn anything from the rest of us peons.

If you find people in your e-mail lists to be intolerable, would you say something to them or suffer in silence? Yeah, me too.

I belong to a number of e-mail lists. You will find the nicest, most helpful and supportive people there.

Well for the most part you do. But there always has to be that one perfect e-mail group participant who screams:

Read me. Read me. Read me.

I am so important, famous, and funny that I have decided to share my wit and wisdom with you.

Please respond with all the glowing adjectives you can muster to let me know how wonderful I am. I am so used to hearing it. Try, as best you can, to come up with some new way of saying it. I hate to be bored.

Please don’t ask for any feedback from me, I’m too busy to provide it and you are so insignificant that I just don’t have time for the likes of you.

Don’t waste your time in attempting to critique my work. It is so far beyond your capacity as a writer to offer anything of value to me. Besides, I have the best writers in the world as my friends (on Facebook) and nothing you say can compare to the feedback I receive from them.

I am not going to read all the truly awful crap you people write. I’m only here to receive the kudows I so justly deserve.

I am not going to participate in the everyday happenings of this list, as at best, there is something on an occasional basis that may apply to my magnificent life. At its worst, the stuff posted here is better suited for the porcelain throne. The thinks happening in your mundane lives are of no interest to me. My life is full.

I am not the once in a while participant who posts and comments every couple of months. I am a professional.

For those of you who may have forgotten, I was here before all of you, but unlike you, I am now successful, at least in my own mind. I just don’t have time to waste on e-mail lists. They have no place in my everyday life.

I don’t have the time or patience to share the things I learned along the way to my greatness. Those who took the time to help me knew they were helping a future great writer and gave freely of their talents because they could see my potential. Don’t expect them to offer you the same advice.

I only post now to share truly good writing with you in hopes that you may learn how to choose the proper words and assemble them into a coherent sentence structure.

You should all be happy that I still grace this place with my words, which of course could be found in the New Yorker, or some other prestigious paper, if I only sent them there.

Comments? You think I should comment on the drivel I find plastered upon these pages? You’re kidding, right? Most of it is full of grammatical errors, flawed thinking, and lacking in any and all forms of humor.

No. I’m not a lurker who sits here reading, trying to glean a bit of useful information from this list. I am not a newbie who is too shy to post their writing. I am an expert, who is highly skilled in my craft. I don’t need any help you might try to offer me. Been there. Done that. Moved on.

I’m not sure why I took the time to tell you all these things. You will just ignore them anyway. Keep writing. The world needs more crappy literature to grace the pages of the internet. And besides, it might just make you feel important.

Signed,

The most important person on this listFrom the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2010 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

21 comments

  1. They’re out there, but hopefully the really good ones like you will outlast!

  2. I resemble that remark! Of course I know how important I am! Hopefully, I at least blend a little humor with my exploitive drivel. And by the way, the only thing I usually ask you to read is my comment on your blog. Oh, and all the wonderful things OTHER PEOPLE say about me. I NEVER blow my own horn. Hey, I learned it all from you. I’ve had the bestest teacher ever! LOLOLOL

  3. Well, as a self-confessed praise junkie, I know I love it when I get positive comments. But you sound a wee bit testy, dear Wanda…has someone pulled your chain?
    My personal favorites are the lurkers who just read the title of a posting and then comment. Or, on my MS blog, those that take the opportunity to fill the comment section with rants on their special treatments for same. LOOOOOVE them.
    Hang in there!

  4. Oooooh, I know lots of people like the one above. Don’t worry, though. If I told them to come see what you’ve written about them, they’d be too busy!

  5. Well, great. Now I’ll be trying to figure out who you’re talking about all day, because it sounds like it could be at least one person from every list I belong to! Wait, that makes it sound as if it could be ME! Yikes! 😉

  6. Alas, Wanda, I’m at the other end of the extreme. I’m not sure I have a lot to offer the other writers on my lists who just may be more talented than I. I don’t post much on my lists any more because I’m not sure anyone wants to hear from me. And people hold grudges. They can say whatever they want to say and I’m not supposed to take offense or hold grudges. But I say what I think and they don’t want to speak to me again. It’s OK, though. If I’m not online I am writing, and that’s what I SHOULD be doing. Writing.

  7. I’m more like Cathy. I am still working on the believe in myself part. I have left groups because of idiots like you’ve described.

  8. I’m sure this can’t be about me, I don’t know “jack” about writing compared to rest of you. I’m just here hanging on the coat tails of the giants hoping to catch a few drippings of knowledge from those that I admire.

  9. Wanda,I’m sorry if it was me.I have yanked a few chains,but I assure you,only in jest.I am so shy that for most of my life my face has been in a book or two,but after watching O’Brother, Where Art Thou, I almost continuously RUNNOFT at the mouth. In my youth I used the current substitute for Dapper Dan.After getting hit by a train, I am now Bona Fide. We had to sell the ring during hard times,so I can’t prove any of it. I always remind my writer-friends that I only write TRUE-FICTION.Sorry I’m rambling but wife is jabbering at me about the day we get a dollar so she can get another ring and it confuses me when people are talking when I am writing.I wish you and Joyce lived closer so the three of us could laugh together.Jay

  10. I can’t figure out if this article is about Warren Beatty or Mick Jagger.

  11. Dang, I hope I never get you ticked off at me. Don’t worry folks, it’s not me… My stuff is full of grama-tical errors, creative spelloing, non-punctuation, and I’m only an ex-professional teacher as I’m sure you all know. I do try to comment as much as possible which may be the reason for the “no chat” directive from SoHum..or not. Dang, Wanda. I was going to cook supper but now I’ve got to spend all afternoon going through my trash to see who has never commented…and make sure it’s not me. Oh, the insecurities of being a non-professional, non-published, non-columned, non-articled, and mostly non- writer.

  12. Great job, Wanda. Sometimes you have to say what needs to be said. And you did it with grace. (although I am one of the people who doesn’t do the email newsgroups much anymore, lol. I do try to comment on here and the blogs though. I think it’s common courtesy to comment back.)

  13. You go girl! Get it out and say it LOUD! I felt like a had a literary colonic and that’s virgin territory for this humble servant of the word. Thanks for keeping me laughing and sometimes snorting! You’re fabulous!

  14. Lawdy, Lawdy! This fit reminds me of my sweet grandmother after her church Circle Meetings. She’d curse under her breath about “Miz So-and-So”, put a little extra “cream” in her coffee, and gleefully hatch vengeful plots of biblical proportions. (I *loved* Circle Meeting Days 🙂

  15. Funny as always, but I have encountered creatures who might resemble some of that. I do try to share what I’ve learned along the way to the not-so-great that I am today. And I always worry that I might be being too pushy.

  16. It’s not me. I love praise and always will. But I came here to learn and appreciate contructive feedback – that is whenever I get a chance to write again. So far my summer has been so busy I’ve not even been able to keep up with all your emails – much less write something readable. Don’t know how you do it. But, I’m so glad you do. Thank you, Wanda.

  17. Ha. I’m afeared to NOT leave a comment!
    When you neglected to mention that this person was a wine snob – I knew I was in the clear!
    Keep em coming back for more Wanda!

  18. I love the story. I soooooo agree. Too funny!

  19. An all ’round incredibly written blog..

  20. This definitely makes great sense to me…

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