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Angels And Idiots Among Us

Do y’all believe as I do, that there are some things that should never be seen, heard, or even thought of? Yeah, me too.

Today I saw one of those things.

It made me shudder.

It made me shake my head.

It made me silently ask what sick Martha Stewart wannabe dreamed up this crap.

I get these crafty e-mails every morning enticing me to be, well, crafty.

I haven’t been crafty in at least 25 years and after seeing this I’m betting it will be at least another 25 years before I even consider being crafty. At my age, that means I’ll probably be dead before I think of being crafty. Thank God for small favors.

I’ve had a few bizarre ideas in my time most of which have long since been forgotten, or secretly buried in the back yard left for future generations to speculate on.

But this? Well, judge for yourselves. Check out number 7 on the list of the 23 most bizarre crafts ever to cross a crafters mind.

Does number 7 jump out at you?

A tampon Angel?

Really?

What kind of warped mind does it take to sit around playing with tampons, wondering if they have additional uses?

I can just see it. “Mom. Bring me some more tampons. My fingers can’t plug the holes in the dike anymore.”

“What the hell are these? I told you to bring me some cotton balls to put between my toes while I paint them. Tampons are not cotton balls.”

“Baby. You got anymore of these things. They are perfect for cleaning the barrel of my 38, and that string? Well, damn. That solves the problem of getting the cleaner through the barrel.”

Do you see yourself sipping wine with guests? Admiring your tree? Explaining to guests why you have personal hygiene products hanging from your tree?

Ok. I might go as far as recognizing tampons might, just might, be used for someone with a nose bleed. But that’s only in dire emergencies, in case of imminent death, or necessary to complete a scene in Sex and the City.

Beyond that, they have one use, and one use only.

So Tampon Angel Ornament? Think again.

I can barely tolerate television commercials about tampons.

This used to be a subject to be discussed between girlfriends, in hushed tones behind closed doors.

What has happened to decorum? (Look it up if you have to.)

Have we become a society where everything is analyzed and turned into ornaments for public display?

Are there specific instructions as to which brand of tampon works best, which ones don’t work at all, and which ones produce an angel that needs to visit Jennie Craig?

Next we’ll be seeing dried cow patty Santas and rabbit $h!+ sprayed silver and gold and strung up and used as garland for the tree.

I, for one, have had enough and am making a stand here and now.

I will not make tampon angels. I will not buy cow crap Santas. I will never put rabbit turds on my Christmas tree.

To those of you who believe that tampon angels are perfectly acceptable, I say, take your crafty selves and go play in the woods where your ideas can roam free and so do grizzly bears.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
©2011 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

About Wanda Argersinger

8 comments

  1. All I can say is, OMGosh. The idea is beyond words. Now, to work on getting the tampon angel image out of my head.

  2. That’s fairly unbelievable! And did I see a smirk on that little angel’s face? Wanda, you find some funny stuff. Love it!

  3. I feel the same way about male erectile product ads. I mean, FOUR HOURS? My late husband, upon hearing the ad for Cialis, said, “I wonder what Alice looked like to have that effect on a guy?”
    Yup, some things just shouldn’t be. Tampon angels is one of them.
    Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author

  4. We have become an age where anything can be shown. But there should bed limits to civility. It is also the basis for one of my bigger complaints. The television adviertises all kinds of drugs for curing everything. That then leads parents to have enough pills to start their own pharmacy.The kids see mom and dad taking a ton of pills so to be like them, they look for their own pills. Too bad their pharmacy is the street.

  5. Have y’all read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley?

  6. The best crafty-idea stock supply was plenty of the L’Eggs Eggs.
    I can’t even begin to think stuff that was made with them, but 35 years ago DW took two of the white ones with her on her doctor appointment.She told the doctor she found them in her bed. He just smiled and said “sit on ’em until they hatch.”

  7. hahaha – about half way through I was going to mention what I’m going to mention, but the ending cinched it. One of the best tourist items sold up here in nearly all shops that sell touristy junk is moose turd jewelry. Yep, you got it right. Earrings, bracelets and necklaces made from the little nuggets that drop out of the south end of a north-bound moose, all lacquered up pretty and shiny and strung on a string or chain. Don’t worry; I have never contributed to the craze. There’s other kinds of jewelry my sons have made from nature’s products out here, but that one takes the cake I think.

  8. Totally gross! I just can’t imagine hanging a tampon on a tree. Should we hang a condom balloon next to it. Would they have babies?

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