Do y’all believe as I do, that there are some things that should never be seen, heard, or even thought of? Yeah, me too.
Today I saw one of those things.
It made me shudder.
It made me shake my head.
It made me silently ask what sick Martha Stewart wannabe dreamed up this crap.
I get these crafty e-mails every morning enticing me to be, well, crafty.
I haven’t been crafty in at least 25 years and after seeing this I’m betting it will be at least another 25 years before I even consider being crafty. At my age, that means I’ll probably be dead before I think of being crafty. Thank God for small favors.
I’ve had a few bizarre ideas in my time most of which have long since been forgotten, or secretly buried in the back yard left for future generations to speculate on.
A tampon Angel?
What kind of warped mind does it take to sit around playing with tampons, wondering if they have additional uses?
I can just see it. “Mom. Bring me some more tampons. My fingers can’t plug the holes in the dike anymore.”
“What the hell are these? I told you to bring me some cotton balls to put between my toes while I paint them. Tampons are not cotton balls.”
“Baby. You got anymore of these things. They are perfect for cleaning the barrel of my 38, and that string? Well, damn. That solves the problem of getting the cleaner through the barrel.”
Ok. I might go as far as recognizing tampons might, just might, be used for someone with a nose bleed. But that’s only in dire emergencies, in case of imminent death, or necessary to complete a scene in Sex and the City.
Beyond that, they have one use, and one use only.
So Tampon Angel Ornament? Think again.
I can barely tolerate television commercials about tampons.
This used to be a subject to be discussed between girlfriends, in hushed tones behind closed doors.
What has happened to decorum? (Look it up if you have to.)
Have we become a society where everything is analyzed and turned into ornaments for public display?
Are there specific instructions as to which brand of tampon works best, which ones don’t work at all, and which ones produce an angel that needs to visit Jennie Craig?
Next we’ll be seeing dried cow patty Santas and rabbit $h!+ sprayed silver and gold and strung up and used as garland for the tree.
I, for one, have had enough and am making a stand here and now.
I will not make tampon angels. I will not buy cow crap Santas. I will never put rabbit turds on my Christmas tree.
To those of you who believe that tampon angels are perfectly acceptable, I say, take your crafty selves and go play in the woods where your ideas can roam free and so do grizzly bears.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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