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Waterboarding the Office Way

If there is a continual, annoying noise at work that the boss knows about but ignores because he can’t hear it in his office, could the noise be considered a form of torture such as waterboarding? Yeah, that’s my stance too.

Trust me (beep) when I say it (beep) is (beep) annoying. (beep)

The ups for the computer of the person who (beep) sits next (beep) to me has failed. (beep) Unlike many other ups systems, this one (beep) does not scream out its demise (beep). No. It (beep) sits there and emits this (beep) freaking beeping (beep) noise.

Every. Beep. Three. Beep. Freaking. Beep. Seconds. (beep)ups

It is torture in every form of the word.

It is annoying.

It is frustrating.

It cannot be silenced without being replaced.

It should be covered under some act of whoever enacts the acts that protect employees from begin driven to the edge of insanity.

I believe (beep) workplace rage could be justified (beep) in a court of law after just ten (beep) minutes of listening to this sound.

I possess a firearm and am considering using it. At first thought it would be used on my employer, but a faster and more permanent solution would come by shooting the (beep) (beep) (beep) beeping device known as a ups.

My co-worker told the boss about the (beep) beeping. (beep) He told her (beep) he has a new (beep) (beep) ups for her.

Now, having been a computer engineer in a former life I understand upses are required to ensure computers don’t dump data. I also know ups stands for uninterrupted power supply. But this particular ups has interrupted my mind which has now dumped all its data rendering it totally useless.

I think a more suitable acronym for this ups would be ‘useless piece of shit’.

Everyone who walks in here asks, “What is that noise?”

I reply, “It’s waterbo(beep)arding torture courtesy (beep) of the company.”

My apologies, that particular beep came mid-word. The ups could care less about grammar and rules. It freaking (beep) beeps when it freaking (beep) wants to.

They don’t get it. (beep) (beep) (beep)

I offer the ups for their use in (beep) their office – for eternity.

They decline. (beep)

At this point, which is only 21 minutes in to the work day, I’m considering stealing the bosses boat and adding this (beep) beeping (beep) beeper to the fishing reef in the Gulf of Mexico.

Forget it. That would take too long.

-Pause- while I get my weapon. I’m going to make short work of this beeping beeper.

(beep) If you (beep) hear of an (beep) insane woman (beep) (beep) being arrested for destroying (beep) company property, leave me in (beep) jail.

It’s quite there.

(beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep


From the Life and Mind of Wanda M. Argersinger

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