If your children discover evidence that you are human, do you think they would be shocked and perhaps even scarred for life? Yeah, that’s what I think too.
My friend Janice Jane, or JJ for short is just that, human. She is also a devoted mother, wife, employee, student, daughter, sister, OCD obsessed, and one really fine friend. Don’t get me wrong, JJ is no saint but she does put her children first – in all cases. JJ and her husband BH (short for butt head – don’t ask) take a back seat to the children’s needs, wants, dreams and aspirations.
Two or three weeks out of every month, JJ lives alone. BH works away from home on a boat, or oil rig, or on a whale, or some other water going vessel.
BH, not being a total butt head, knows that while he is gone JJ remains human, complete with human needs, wants, and desires. To ensure that the last item on this list is satisfied while he is not at home, BH marched his entire 6 “ something or other, redneck self in to the local Intimate Treasures store in town and purchased a “joy toy” for JJ.
Upon presenting it to her, he told her this was so she would not need anything while he was away. That BH is such a caring man.
I’m not sure I’m a close enough friend of JJ’s to know any more about the “joy toy”. Additional information would constitute some sort of relationship with her. I believe the “joy toy” was purchased to keep that type relationship between JJ and BH.
Just this past week, while JJ was home with her three daughters, she asked her oldest daughter to get something for her. The something that was needed was supposedly on JJ’s dresser. In her bedroom.
Fourteen year old Patty Sue, called PS by her mother did as she was asked. She marched her pretty little self down to her parent’s bedroom to retrieve the item for her mother.
“Moooooooooooooooooooooooooom.” The ever increasing volume of cry continued from the bedroom at the end of the hall.
JJ was running to help her daughter deal with whatever was frightening her.
PS continued to scream. “Oh my God, mom.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I know what this is.”
“You know what what is?”
By the time JJ got to the bedroom all she could see was total horror on PS’s face.
PS was standing in the middle of the bedroom with the “joy toy” in her hand.
“Mom. I know what this is and I know what it’s used for. I understand Dad’s away a lot and you have needs, but God mom. Just ewwwwwwwwwwwww.”
PS had been shocked by seeing the device and permanently scarred by touching it.
It seems JJ left her “joy toy” on top of her dresser. Not really in plain sight, but somewhat hidden by a large sea shell. The exact place she also told PS that the requested item was supposed to be.
JJ was doing her absolute best not to burst in to hysterics.
“Oh come on, PS. It’s not all that bad. If you know what it is, then you can also appreciate the need for “joy toys.”
“Yeah, but you’re my mother. And you’re old. “
They hysterical laughter that JJ was trying to control was released into the room and upon PS.
“I now have this picture of you in my mind that can’t be erased. Ewwww, Mom. How could you? And why didn’t you hide this? This isn’t something I would ever want to know about, much less see.”
“PS, grow up. It’s just a little “joy toy”. You do understand that parent’s do have sex. And we do have needs. And just because we’re your parents doesn’t mean we aren’t like every other man and woman on earth.”
At this point PS throws up her hands and covers her ears. She begins to sing. Loudly. “I love Jesus. I love Jesus. I love Jesus.”
PS is trying to drone out her mother’s voice, and any explanation that may be offered for the trauma of the moment. She has dropped the “joy toy” to the floor but is unable to move. She stands stock still, a pillar of scarred, pubescent, teenager. Only time and years of counseling at a huge cost to her parents can undo the trauma of finding out that her mother is human.
JJ stands there laughing. The laughter quite a bit louder than the singing. That’s what human parents do at times like this. (Make notes here.) JJ is wise enough to know to just let the subject drop. Any more discussion would only be met with more “ewwww, MOM”, and a continually pleading of “stop, stop, stop.”
No more has been said at their house about JJ’s “joy toy.” PS did not tell her younger sisters what she had discovered. PS’s texting for that day did increase four times over. I’m sure there are a lot of other teenage girls going, “ewwwwwwwwwww, how could she? She’s your Mom.”
JJ was laughing so hard when she relayed the story to me that there were tears in her eyes. She figures it’s time her daughters find out that, contrary to what they believe, she is after all, just human. She is also thankful to PS for not providing the younger girls with TMI (too much information). JJ says she is not sure she would able to deal with being that human. At least, not quite yet.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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