I demand an answer!
I have the right to know.
Just what kind of Christmas Curmudgeon lives in the attics, basements and sheds of this world?
What beast would take joy in ruining this special season before it even gets started?
It should be so simple, especially if you have one of those pre-lit trees.
Pull it out of its summer storage space. Stick it together. Plug it in. Voila’. Lights.
Not so for most of the world. After voila’ you get wtf? Dammmmmmit! And an entire chorus of curse words heard round the world.
Instead of O Christmas Tree, you get something akin to damn stupid thing.
And rightfully so.
When the trees were packed away after their last display of lights everything was in perfect working order. Lights rolled properly. Ornaments packed individually. Beaded tinsel unknotted and wound in a manner that makes unwinding a no brainer.
Now, nothing works. Well perhaps one small section of the tree, or a partial string of lights will illuminate themselves. But never the entire tree, or an entire string of lights. That would be too much good cheer. In my house an event such as that could cause heart failure, or way too much celebrating.
The tree putter upper at my home instantly assumes that the Christmas Curmudgeon has been at it again, tangling things that were packed away untangled, unscrewing a bulb or two from each section of lights to screw with our minds, tangling anything that can be tangled, and hiding decorations we know we faithfully and carefully packed away earlier this year.
Mind you, the Curmudgeon has never physically been seen, but we have so much evidence of its existence, placing blame is done without a second, well for that matter, without a first thought.
Instead of ensuring that plug A is put into socket B which then attaches to socket C and up the tree, at my house it is automatically assumed something more sinister is involved. Things such as fuses, broken wires, rats, or curmudgeons.
The tree is immediately threatened with elimination or replacement.
Trips are made to the local hardware, auto parts, and giant value stores in search of remedies, including but not limited to pricing a replacement tree, should it come to that.
Many trips are made.
Many things are purchased.
Volumes of curse words are created and then sworn at the offending tree and its lights.
It doesn’t matter.
Nothing short of 2 bottles of wine, The Crumdgeon’s Curse Word Dictionary, January 1st, and/or getting plug A into socket B connected to plug C or a new tree will bring holiday lights to our home and we don’t seem to have the map from plug A to socket B, let alone plug C.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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