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Perfect(ly Annoying) People

Do you ever receive those e-mails from perfect people? You know the ones. The people sending them are millionaires. They got that way without working. Then they have the audacity to apologize for it. They are however kind enough to offer to share their millionaire secrets with you for some small sum that always ends in 95¢. Yeah, I hate them too.

I get these things every day. They arrive in my e-mail accounts, all 7 of them, from the same people. I am alerted to them via tweets to my Twitter account. I am lambasted with them, including pictures, on my Facebook profile. Which, by the way, I don’t understand, because you can’t post to my page unless you are a friend of mine. I can assure you I would never accept these annoying people as my friends. They show up at home. They show up while I’m at work. They even find their way to my Blackberry. I wish I could find just one of these annoying people and strangle them and their e-mail sending devices.

They always know just what to say too. They hit me knowing I want my next book published. They offer free tele-seminars just so they can reel me in to buy whatever product they are selling this week. They offer to pay for my plane fare if I will attend their proven, no fail, seminar in New York City. (Cost of seminar $5495.95. Cost of hotel, meals and incidentals, more than I will make this year from all my jobs combined.)

The nicest ones I ever get come from Jack Canfield. You know him, the Chicken Soup for the Soul¸ quadrillionaire success story. He is always offering to allow me to join his select group at any and all of his proven seminars. Well, offering to allow me to attend at for a small fee. (See above, add all the numbers together, and then triple the sum. You may be close to the cost of his seminar, without air fare, hotel and incidentals such as air and food.) Thank God at least he never has the nerve to apologize for being rich and successful. I would have to hunt him down and choke him to death by stuffing some of his money down his throat.

Funny how all these people know all the secrets to making me a success at whatever it is I want to be successful at, and yet they don’t know me. If they did they would stop sending e-mails. I don’t have the money to attend, and even if they make me successful, it would take success on the magnitude of Jack Canfield, to be able to afford even one of their proven success strategies. And if I were successful I would not spend my money on their proven techniques.

The latest ones I’m getting, on Twitter anyway, are offering to increase my health and boost my immune system. Well that’s just dandy. But I have lupus. That means I have an overactive immune system. The last thing I want to do is strengthen it. I’m already at its mercy, and it shows very little mercy for my well being. I don’t want to aggravate, strengthen, or otherwise piss off said immune system. It is being good right now and I am not going to do anything knowingly to upset it. No need to know the cost of this venture – I’m not going there.

I have to admit I am, just a teeny tiny bit, tempted by all these people who claim to make millions on the internet using Twitter, Facebook, FindAFriendForLife, WasteMyTime and other social sites, without doing a thing. I am not interested enough to click on their links, read their hype, or send a penny their way.

I make this promise to everyone reading my words – if and when I become rich and famous I won’t bug you with annoying e-mails offering training and apologize for my success. I’m not sharing my secrets with anyone. I’m not that nice. I may however, annoy you with e-mails about my fame, I just would never apologize for something so well deserved.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

All Rights Reserved 2009


About Wanda Argersinger

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