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Addicted and On The Edge

For clarification purposes: This is a conversation my friend CeeCee (the adicted one) had with a customer serivce rep a the company where CeeCee had orderd merchandise. Engjoy her ride with addiction.

“What do you mean it won’t arrive until the Monday after Easter?”

“Are you freaking kidding me?”

Her voice was getting higher. Her words were more urgent. She needed a fix.

“Well, ma’am. I can put it on priority shipping but you will have to pay for it.”

“You don’t seem to understand the situation here. It’s Wednesday. Easter is eleven days away. Are you telling me that it takes over a week to get from there to here? You should be able to mail the damn thing tonight and have it here before Easter.”

“Ma’am. The order goes to the processing center and then to whatever distribution center is handling that item.”

“Look lady. I don’t want to get hostile with you, but I need a fix. I know it’s a strange addiction, but it’s my addiction. And I’m in a real bad way here. I haven’t indulged in a long time. I have no new electronic gadgets to hold me over and I’m on the edge.”

“Ma’am. I’m trying to understand and do the best I can for you, but shipping is revenue too. Expedited service costs.”

“I don’t care about the damn cost. I ordered over $200 worth of ‘get me feeling better’ stuff from your business. Do you think I sit here and order my fix while calculating how long before it arrives? Do you see me sitting her thinking, well, I’ll be fine in a week from this coming Monday?”

“Ain’t happening sista!”

“Ma’am I really do understand…”

“Honey, you can’t understand. I have an ex who drives me crazy. His crazy ups my addiction problem. I haven’t had a shopping fix in months and now you want me to wait? That’s cruel and inhumane punishment.”

“Oh, ma’am. I do understand about the ex’s. I got some of them myself.”

“Then you understand what makes me insane. Did you notice the color in your system? It’s pink honey. Did you hear me? It’s pink and I need it real bad.”

“Ma’am. I’m trying to help you.”

“Then help me get my fix. My children are going to be gone for an entire week and I really, really need my item before they return. You understand me?”

“Ma’am. Are you alright? Do I need to call someone for you?”

“Yes. You can call your distribution center and tell them to get off their lazy a$$es and get my fix in the mail to me pronto. You got that? It has to be here before Easter or I am not going to be responsible for the mayhem caused by your stupid logistics.”

“Ma’am. Calm down. I really am doing the best I can. It’s just I’m not authorized to..”

“Well get me someone who is authorized to. Honey, the Prozac ain’t working anymore and I need my fix and need it now.”

Between snickers (not the candy bar), the lady on the phone at customer service, said, “Honey. If a purse is all that important to you, I’ll expedite it, overnight it, FedEx it, or drive it to you myself.”

“It’s about time you understood. Thank you. Oh, what time can I expect to receive it tomorrow?”

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved

About Wanda Argersinger


  1. That’s right…. Prozac is not working but a pink purse will….. What do you all know? Love the story!

  2. hahaha – to each her own. Less coffee might be in order too. hahaha

  3. My addiction is chocolate, readily available, effects easy to conceal unless wearing stretch jeans, and legal. But I feel her pain; once I forgot where I hid my stach of candy bars. It wasn’t pretty, I’m told.

  4. ROFLMAO!! Great story.

    I can relate. I ordered a blouse a week ago today. It was promised in three days.

    Jody, I have a funny chocolate stash story I’ll bet you’ll love.

  5. That was a great story, thanks for sharing it.

    I’m starting up a ‘Critiquing and Supportive Crusaders’ program, where participants in the Second Crusade can find other writers to exchange critiques with or form supportive critiquing circles. If you’re interested, come by The Kelworth Files to check it out!

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