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I Need To Be Upgraded

Evidence that it was Droid and not Eve that caused this mess.

Wanda 5.7 is not compatible with Android anything point anything.

That’s a plain and simple fact.

Anna told the guy who talked me out of a Blackberry with a QWERTY keypad into a Droid with a screen that collects fingerprints that before the day was over I would throw the phone.

How’d she know?

It should have been simple.

Old phone gone. New phone in hand.

Operator stupid.

Anna was wrong in one thing.

I didn’t throw the phone across the seats into the back of the van.

I threw it later in the evening along with the jar or mayonnaise when I found out I wasn’t receiving messages and could not send them because I could not type on a Droid. Might as well have been a Druid. Neither one would work.

I spent most of the night bribing my grandson with smaller fingers and more smarts to type on the invisible alphabet on the Droid so I could download a couple of programs. It worked until the television bid more for his time than I could.

I tried going to the BIG computer and having programs send 4 digit codes to the Droid so I could simply click and download.

The Droid isn’t receiving messages. Who knows why? Maybe it’s Droid mating season. God knows something is happening coz the Droids are taking over.

I can’t send messages coz I can’t find the keyboard on the Droid and if it magically appears my fingers type the wrong letters. If I type anything it looks like I’m speaking in wkawgaswihtsa.

I also can’t talk on the Droid coz I don’t hear it ring, IF it rings. And I can’t call anyone to speak to them coz I can’t find the keyboard and couldn’t type the numbers if I could find them.

Elijah (perfect name for a guy selling promises) at the phone store couldn’t get the Droid to receive text messages either. He told gmail to send my secret name to the phone so we could set up something or other. I couldn’t remember my secret name and can’t remember now if we ever got whatever it was set up or not. I doubt it coz I also couldn’t remember my super secret password and the Droid wasn’t receiving messages so we couldn’t change me or the password.

Didn’t really matter to him. Matters a lot to me.

By the time I left the phone store with the Droid in hand, Elijah and I were totally confused. Didn’t matter to him. He has access to about 47 bazillion phones and 4 co-workers who are probably proficient in Droid speak. I have only 1 Droid that doesn’t work and one grandson who is beyond my bidding capacity.

I’m going to call Elijah when the store opens and ask him in Droid speak how to get friggin messages on the Droid. If he doesn’t give me an answer I can understand and execute, I think I might just kill him and save everyone on a personal operating system of 5.7 or higher.

Besides, he deserves it.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved
Typed on an old computer with an XP operating system

About Wanda Argersinger


  1. When we learned the term “planned obsolence”, we didn’t know it would apply to us. One of your very best posts because it hits home with all of us mere humans trying to cope in a world of droids.

  2. Yup, I hate it that these people (and machines) all insist on speaking some foreign language. Of course Aubrey told me yesterday that mushrooms are not an original product of earth, but were dropped off by aliens from some other planet. What hope is there for us mere mortals????

  3. Wanda,you are way ahead of me.I’m still 1.0. I wish they would make a cell phone with the round thing to dial the number.
    Technology passed me by when we went from tin cans and tire swings to plastic seats and transistor radios.

  4. MissedCongeniality

    As long as you get a jury of your true ‘peers’ they would NEVER convict you for killing Elijah.
    Besides you could use ‘Droid Rage’ as your defense strategy!
    Loved it Wanda!

  5. I have no idea what you said but I laughed anyway. I think you are having trouble with your cell phone. I don’t know because I used exactly 9 minutes on my cell phone last month. Luckily I had my computer yesterday when the storm clouds were gathering and we were making plan A,B, and T(tornado) for the children in the gym. Everyone else had their cell phones checking the weather; I had my computer on speaker. Fortunately we just got 3 inches of rain and no hail or tornados.

  6. Don’t you just love it when they ‘improve’ something and succeed in making it harder to use or needs fixing twice as often?

  7. You’re way ahead of me, Wanda. I just moved up to a phone with a qwerty keyboard. I haven’t figured out how to operate all of it’s features. I hope you get it figured out. Remember to keep “Droid Rage” in your excuse list.

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