I lose things.
A lot of things.
All the time.
My losses are total, never partial.
I never lose 1/2 of a sock, or 3/4 of a pair of pantyhose, or even 1/3 of a car key. I lose the entire thing.
Most of the time, my losses are permanent.
Today I discovered I lost just part of something. Not the entire something. Only a major portion of it.
I recently bought 4 large bottles of arthritis strength pain reliever caplets. One for each of my offices, one for my home, and one for my purse.
The bottle in my purse spit out its guts last week. All over the bottom of my purse.
I, being the kind person that I am, scooped up the guts and put them back into the belly of the bottle. I recapped it tightly, and put it back in my purse. That was last week.
This past Saturday I was in some serious ‘pain. The kind of pain the screams ‘get the hell out of my way so I can get to my medicine fast’ pain. The nearest bottle of relief was in my purse.
Or so I thought.
In my hunt for relief from the pain, I discovered that the bottle could not be located. No big deal. It must be in my car or at one of my offices.
Fast forward one day.
I changed purses. That means taking all the useless stuff from one bag and neatly placing it in another bag. (Side note: this is the only time anything will be neat in my purse.)
During the process more bottle guts were found.
Lots of guts.
All over the bottom of the old purse.
The blue top to the bottle was also discovered.
I continued moving things from one purse to another with the knowledge that I would eventually locate the bottle that goes with the cap and guts.
My purses are big, but not so big that you could lose a small country in them, but big by most people’s standards. I didn’t think they were big enough to lose a large bottle in.
I was wrong.
No bottle was ever found.
How does one lost a bottle, but not the cap?
Some of the contents of a bottle, but not all?
Did it run away out of fear from the other contents of the purse?
Or was it just so sick of spilling its guts that it died?
I am currently in awe of my new abilities to lose just a part of something.
I am also in therapy.
My friends think I’ve been sleep-walking and threw the bottle away.
I am convinced it was not my fault.
I placed notes all over the inside of my new purse threatening the other contents. If they too want to escape the confusion and madness they will now be required to escape in ‘whole.’ No partial defections will be tolerated.
I’m not sure if I should replace the purse bottle. I have a feeling it would begin spilling its guts soon after being placed in the purse.
I’ve had enough bottle guts, partial defections, and bizarre stares and bless your hearts for a while.
I’m now taking my pain killers from a glass.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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