Are my boobs on crooked?
Don’t answer that.
It’s just that my blouse is so off center in the front I’m beginning to think that it’s not the blouse, but the boob underneath it. I’ve recentered it approximately 9 times. It remains crooked.
How the h@(( can a day go so wrong in less than an hour?
Yeah, don’t ask me, but it has.
It’s 5 a.m. I am at work. Alone. And the day isn’t going so well.
Today is casual day.
We can wear blue jeans, or any other color jeans we might want to wear.
I’m wearing my blue suck my tummy in jeans.
I look good in these jeans. Okay, I look about 3 pounds lighter in these jeans. To me, that qualifies as good.
The blue and white blouse was a perfect match (when dressing in the dark).
I can’t twist the blouse enough to make it hang straight and my jeans have now abandoned that little metal thingy you use to zip them.
Yup. You got it.
They spit it into my hand at the last zipping of said blue jeans.
The jeans are now holding me captive. I can’t unzip without the little metal thingy. Rephrase – I can’t unzip unless the little metal thing is reattached to the zipper.
I can’t do that for two reasons. I can’t see over my muffin top to see the zipper. If I take the pants off I still can’t see even with my glasses, that I left at home this morning.
I also can’t zip, but right now, that’s not a really big issue.
I took my morning meds a few minutes ago.
Said meds include vitamins, numerous meds to control the lupus, and a huge dose of diuretics to keep my kidneys functioning or from malfunctioning.
Yup. You got it – diuretics.
The diuretics don’t help with the stuck zipper thingy.
In addition to all of this, I’ve already polished off one Coke this morning. One large Coke containing about 9 billion milligrams of caffeine. We all know caffeine is a natural diuretic.
Anyone see a problem here?
Yeah. Me too.
I keep waiting for someone to jump out and yell April’s Fool.
I’ll let you know if they do.
From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
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